Arrant Nonsense

I checked up on the story I reviewed yesterday, and sure enough, it was gone. But she's uploaded yet another version in its place...and now it's back to single-spaced big ol' block o' text.

"Fine! I give up!" I said, throwing up my hands.

Then I checked my inbox.

thanks for leting me know i'll fix it up but its hard when its small writing but i'll give it a go

asdlghadk;ad;ja;adfsfgh

She's not throwing a bratty shitfit. She thanked me. *headdesks repeatedly*

But what does she mean by "small writing"? Is...she not old enough to read chapbooks? Does she not know that she can change the font size in her word processor?

What have I gotten myself into?

...for the poor little badfic author. She's probably feeling quite picked on by now.

( Again, for my own records, because I'm betting it'll be gone in the morning... )

In other news, I broke 850 words in the BeeFic. It's nearly done, I think. I just need to think my battle through a little better. But seeing as it's three in the morning, I'm going to sleep on it.

That JLA fic? She took it down. We'll have to see if she posts again, or if I've crushed her little writer spirit. I hope not; that wasn't my intention, and I really tried to keep the snark to a minimum. Still nothing in my inbox by way of reply.

ETA: And it's back. Still one big block o' text...but now it's double-spaced! I don't know whether to throw my hands up in the air and give up, or just flat-out offer to beta it for her. The problem is, her "plot" sucks so badly that I don't think I could save it...and it's not my fandom anyway. She incorporated the question mark I told her about, and she fixed the "hays," but she obviously has no idea how to format it so it's halfway readable.

She's trying, dammit.

In other news, I'm reading "The Warrior's Apprentice" by Lois McMaster Bujold, and enjoying it tremendously. It's well-written and the characters are drawn very realistically.

Da Boy is in bed; the Hubby is off at work until late tomorrow night. I should write. Especially since I have the info I need on the bees.

*cracks knuckles and whip* Okay, fuzzy-butts. Let's go.

Because I know she's going to delete it AGAIN, and there goes my review. So, here it is:

Okay, better...

But one big block of text is impossible to read. Start a new paragraph when a new character begins talking.

Commas are useful. They make your sentences more coherent and easy to read. Try reading the story out loud. If you're turning blue because you can't take a breath? That's a bad sign.

"Hay" is for horses. The word you're looking for is "hey." Most word processing programs have a handy "find and replace" function under "Edit."

The first word of a sentence has a capital letter, even if it's in quote marks. If a character asks another character a question, it ends in a question mark, thus: "So what do you want to eat?" asked Shayera.

I know this writing thing seems like a lot of hard work, and it is, but it's ultimately rewarding when you have something on the page you can be genuinely proud of. No one's asking you to be perfect (because I go over my stuff ten times and STILL find mistakes on the eleventh run-through), but it should look like you've polished it as well as you're able. :)

My inbox is still empty. But she did fix the script format and get rid of "sinus," so...maybe there's hope yet. But she really needs a beta reader. Or six.

I haven't even attempted to touch her plot, although many many things could be said about it. But she needs to fix her mechanics before she worries about the actual story, I think.

WHY is it so difficult to find the specific piece of information I need for this damb beefic?

It's a well-known fact that if you cut off a cockroach's head, it will live until it starves to death. Cockroaches are tough little buggers.

However...what happens to a bee if you whack its head off? How long does it live? Can it still fly, or sting?

I called a beekeeper. He didn't know, but suggested trying the library. I've looked through Google until I'm blue in the fingertips.

And I'm squeamish about catching a bee and cutting off its head to find out for myself. That just seems...I don't know. Unnecessarily cruel. To a bug.

Yeah.

And the damb story is stalled until I find out one way or the other. CRAP.

In other news, apparently the author I've been stalking reviewing at FFN has taken the reviews to heart...in a way. She's fixed the script format, but now it's all one big block of text. The word "sinus" is gone, so yay for that.

It looks like she can be taught.

So I left the aforementioned badfic author a review on her newly-uploaded JLU fic.

( Behind the cut, because, are y'all bored yet? )

Writing? Oh, yeah, that. I got stalled at "mouse-leather armor." Guess I should start poking it again...

ETA: And that one's gone now, two hours after I reviewed it. Still nothing in my inbox...

Yes, little fangirl. I am stalking your FFN account. Learn to write and format properly, and I shall cease.

Remember the "writer" who put that horrible Angel fic up on FFN? She took that down about an hour after I reviewed it...but she's uploaded another ghastly story starring Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Catwoman. Apparently Batman and Wonder Woman are married to each other, but Wonder Woman is cheating on Batman with Superman, and Batman is cheating on Wonder Woman with Catwoman. Yeah, real "superhero" behavior there, kiddo. *eyeroll*

Add to that a completely random scene where a 10- or 11-year-old girl has been "rapped and murdered" with "seamen left behind," comma and period abuse, slutty superheroes, and the same crappy-ass formatting she used in the Angel fic, and she's hit the trifecta. Also, she's mistaken "sinus" for "since" again. *snerks* AND it's a crossover with L&O: SVU, which is why she had the random victim in there, I guess.

Anyone familiar with the Justice League 'verse wanna tackle this one? I'm beginning to wonder if it's a troll...

I can't even report this one to GAFF for snarkage, because there's underage sex in it.

Silly me, when I saw the rant at fanficrants, I decided to go hunting the fic myself. It wasn't hard to find, right there at the top of the Angel section on FFN.

And it's one of the most horrible trainwrecks I've ever read. Here. Share my pain. I'll wait.

Okay, back now? What did I tell you? Bad spelling--although nothing's misspelled, per se; she knows where her spellcheck is, at least. But some of the words that get used in place of the right ones are hilariously awful.

No commas or periods. Who does that? Has this person ever actually read a book in her entire life? Dialogue in script format, in violation of the FFN's TOS--not only that, but it's underlined and italicized. Ugh. WTF?

And then she turned Angel into a child molester.

Yup, her protagonist is twelve, and Angel has sex with her. *head explodes*

So, I left a review. Honestly, the thing reads like something an eight-year-old wrote, so I wasn't nearly as harsh as I wanted to be, but, DUDE.

( Review under the cut, in case anyone cares. )

*sits back and waits for a flame to hit my inbox*

ETA: Annnnnnd... the story is gone. Damb. I'm glad I saved the review.