Oh, good GOD.
Jun. 25th, 2007 02:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agilebritI can't even report this one to GAFF for snarkage, because there's underage sex in it.
Silly me, when I saw the rant at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fanficrants, I decided to go hunting the fic myself. It wasn't hard to find, right there at the top of the Angel section on FFN.
And it's one of the most horrible trainwrecks I've ever read. Here. Share my pain. I'll wait.
Okay, back now? What did I tell you? Bad spelling--although nothing's misspelled, per se; she knows where her spellcheck is, at least. But some of the words that get used in place of the right ones are hilariously awful.
No commas or periods. Who does that? Has this person ever actually read a book in her entire life? Dialogue in script format, in violation of the FFN's TOS--not only that, but it's underlined and italicized. Ugh. WTF?
And then she turned Angel into a child molester.
Yup, her protagonist is twelve, and Angel has sex with her. *head explodes*
So, I left a review. Honestly, the thing reads like something an eight-year-old wrote, so I wasn't nearly as harsh as I wanted to be, but, DUDE.
Er. No. Just...no.
First of all, your timeline doesn't work. For your Slayer to have been slaying since she was eleven, she would have been called sometime during Angel S1. For your Slayer even to have been Called, Faith would need to be dead. And she very much wasn't. Not only that, but March 27 of that year fell on a Monday, not a Friday. If the date was important enough to mention, it was important enough to get right.
Secondly, what did the poor commas and periods ever do to you, for you to shun them so? Proper punctuation is your friend and helps your sentences be coherent. The excuse that "it's just fanfiction" doesn't wash. If you write like an uneducated buffoon, people will assume that you ARE an uneducated buffoon.
Thirdly, your dialogue is in script format. Script format is not allowed on this site, which you would know had you bothered to read the Terms of Service you agreed to before you uploaded your story.
Fourthly, while it's great that you know where your spellcheck is, you can't depend on it for everything. Spellcheck doesn't catch homophones, or words that are close enough to the word you wanted but not quite right, such as "hay" for "hey," or "sinus" for "since." Proofreading is a necessary part of writing. A beta reader would help you tremendously.
Fifthly, Angel would not have sex with a twelve-year-old CHILD. Not only is he NOT a pedophile, but at this point in time, he still loved Buffy; he wouldn't have sex with someone he only met three times. Not to mention that pesky "happiness clause." He wasn't ready to risk that again until S5. And if Buffy was "too young" for him at sixteen, what makes your character so special that he'd be willing to go all Angelus again over a twelve-year-old? Also, ninety-nine percent of twelve-year-olds are not physically ready for intercourse with a full-grown man. Blood, pain, and crying would be involved. Not to mention a phone call to the police if her parents ever found out.
Sixth, where is this girl's Watcher? How does she know about Slaying and vampires and all the stuff that goes with that? Somehow I doubt that a Watcherless eleven-year-old Slayer would last two days, let alone an entire year. In fact, an eleven-year-old Slayer WITH a Watcher would be hard-pressed to survive that long.
Proofread. Punctuate. Use proper dialogue format. And for heaven's sake, don't turn Angel into a child molester.
*sits back and waits for a flame to hit my inbox*
ETA: Annnnnnd... the story is gone. Damb. I'm glad I saved the review.
Silly me, when I saw the rant at
fanficrants, I decided to go hunting the fic myself. It wasn't hard to find, right there at the top of the Angel section on FFN.And it's one of the most horrible trainwrecks I've ever read. Here. Share my pain. I'll wait.
Okay, back now? What did I tell you? Bad spelling--although nothing's misspelled, per se; she knows where her spellcheck is, at least. But some of the words that get used in place of the right ones are hilariously awful.
No commas or periods. Who does that? Has this person ever actually read a book in her entire life? Dialogue in script format, in violation of the FFN's TOS--not only that, but it's underlined and italicized. Ugh. WTF?
And then she turned Angel into a child molester.
Yup, her protagonist is twelve, and Angel has sex with her. *head explodes*
So, I left a review. Honestly, the thing reads like something an eight-year-old wrote, so I wasn't nearly as harsh as I wanted to be, but, DUDE.
Er. No. Just...no.
First of all, your timeline doesn't work. For your Slayer to have been slaying since she was eleven, she would have been called sometime during Angel S1. For your Slayer even to have been Called, Faith would need to be dead. And she very much wasn't. Not only that, but March 27 of that year fell on a Monday, not a Friday. If the date was important enough to mention, it was important enough to get right.
Secondly, what did the poor commas and periods ever do to you, for you to shun them so? Proper punctuation is your friend and helps your sentences be coherent. The excuse that "it's just fanfiction" doesn't wash. If you write like an uneducated buffoon, people will assume that you ARE an uneducated buffoon.
Thirdly, your dialogue is in script format. Script format is not allowed on this site, which you would know had you bothered to read the Terms of Service you agreed to before you uploaded your story.
Fourthly, while it's great that you know where your spellcheck is, you can't depend on it for everything. Spellcheck doesn't catch homophones, or words that are close enough to the word you wanted but not quite right, such as "hay" for "hey," or "sinus" for "since." Proofreading is a necessary part of writing. A beta reader would help you tremendously.
Fifthly, Angel would not have sex with a twelve-year-old CHILD. Not only is he NOT a pedophile, but at this point in time, he still loved Buffy; he wouldn't have sex with someone he only met three times. Not to mention that pesky "happiness clause." He wasn't ready to risk that again until S5. And if Buffy was "too young" for him at sixteen, what makes your character so special that he'd be willing to go all Angelus again over a twelve-year-old? Also, ninety-nine percent of twelve-year-olds are not physically ready for intercourse with a full-grown man. Blood, pain, and crying would be involved. Not to mention a phone call to the police if her parents ever found out.
Sixth, where is this girl's Watcher? How does she know about Slaying and vampires and all the stuff that goes with that? Somehow I doubt that a Watcherless eleven-year-old Slayer would last two days, let alone an entire year. In fact, an eleven-year-old Slayer WITH a Watcher would be hard-pressed to survive that long.
Proofread. Punctuate. Use proper dialogue format. And for heaven's sake, don't turn Angel into a child molester.
*sits back and waits for a flame to hit my inbox*
ETA: Annnnnnd... the story is gone. Damb. I'm glad I saved the review.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-06-25 10:03 pm (UTC)You made me read it. I blame YOU!
*runs screaming into the night*
no subject
Date: 2007-06-25 10:11 pm (UTC)*uploads megadoses of Bleeprin*
no subject
Date: 2007-06-25 10:24 pm (UTC)Writing about a relationship between a fictional twelve year old and a fictional adult male may be disturbing, but it isn't actually illegal. So I'm pretty sure that GAFF's one rule doesn't apply. I've seen plenty of similar stories allowed there in the past, at least.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-25 10:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-25 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-25 11:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-25 11:46 pm (UTC)bwahahahaha!
Date: 2007-06-25 11:10 pm (UTC)Re: bwahahahaha!
Date: 2007-06-25 11:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-25 11:13 pm (UTC)Dear lord I HOPE it was a child writing it because....No just can't even begin. You said it all and yet not nearly enough.
Kathleen
uncrossing my eyes now
no subject
Date: 2007-06-25 11:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-06-26 02:41 am (UTC)Or then again, she's probably under a big rock.
no subject
Date: 2007-06-26 02:47 am (UTC)Either that, or she's waiting to re-upload it until she thinks she's under my radar. In which case, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! I have her username and have saved a link in this very post. So that will never happen.