Arrant Nonsense

Yeah, either I'm screwed up or this character is.

Actually, scratch that. It's not an either/or situation. It's entirely possible that I'm equally as screwed up as Angeline is.

Because she loves Ben. She does. But she's just done something fairly awful to him, something that will make him seriously question himself and everything he stands for and foul up his self-image for years--

And she's going to be completely puzzled when he reacts *cough* badly *cough* to this, because she has no frame of reference for thinking of what they just did together as anything but good.

Just because she's over 230 years old doesn't mean she's ever gotten good at relationships.

It's evil.

Because it realized yesterday, that with the sort of time frame I'm dealing with here--what are they going to do with him during the full moon?

And I realized that they've got to have some sort of policy in place for that sort of thing--and that it would entail, more than likely, the wolf in question back on the table wrapped in wolfsbane with a needle in his arm harvesting a delicacy for them. And thus was born, yesterday, a scene in which the Lady!Vamp pleads with the Head!Vamp to not do that to Ben again, and a scene today in which she's had him off the table for about three weeks and now it's time for him to go back, temporarily.

Non-linear writer is non-linear. But I'm taking the scenes where I can get them.

Poor puppy.

Tomorrow is Snippet Saturday. Does anyone actually read those things?

Yeah, wow, I just broke the ever-lovin' shit out of Ben. So much so that the document I'm doing this in (because I've started doing my new parts in new docs every day and then plugging them in where I think they belong before bed) is called "Ben Utterly Capitulates."

This is what happens when you strip all hope from a character. The vampire in his life decides that she'd better hide the silver (figuratively speaking, of course, he couldn't actually eat off actual dinnerware made of silver, but you get the idea).

What's more, I broke her a fair bit too. We've seen pieces of her caring for him before this, but I think this may be the first time we see an actual crack in her veneer.

And yet. There's still banter here, although it's desperately sad. He's completely bared to her, body and soul--but she's not ready to bare herself to him yet. Hell, she may not even realize, at this point, the depth of her feelings toward him.

And the thing is...

The thing is, I'm not at all sure he ever really comes back from this. He's been deconstructed so far that I don't honestly know if he ever gets himself completely back.

I guess I'll have to keep going to find out.

Because Janni's not going to let him go without a fight. He calls her "Hermia" for a reason.

And I'll say it again:

There's something wrong with me. Why Ben hasn't killed me in my sleep by now, I will never know.

( Cut for rape talk. Those of you who have no interest in the sequel to the not!kkbb/im thing can probably just scroll on by as well, unless you care about writing meta. )

And this gets back into deconstructing our characters and breaking them into bitty shards. What they do under duress can be far more horrifying (both to them and us) than what is done to them by mean, bad people. We expect the mean, bad people to do mean, bad things. We do not expect our good-guy characters to violate their own ethics. And when they do that...

Yeah. Repercussions.

And that gets back to me being a horrible person. Because, really. Who the hell thinks of this kind of stuff?

I hate my brain.

Holy crap, y'all. Chuck has a new hottie.

And he gets tortured. And wounded.

aslkfajs;lkj;

Yeah, I'll just be over here in the corner with My Big Bundle o' Issues. Drooling.

...Pepper's chapter of the BadWrong fic up at FFN.

Am I the only one who does that and then obsessively refreshes her stats page?

And I've now improved my summary. Never would I ever put "I suck at summaries" in the actual summary, but I do, and I know it.

And this is why I dread marketing the not!kkbb/im novelthing. It's hard enough for me to summarize a short story. A whole novel? OMG. There's a book out on pitches that got published that I really need to pick up sometime soon so I can get some sort of vague idea what's expected...

I really should start the next thing. That WotF deadline is going to sneak up on me really fast if I don't watch it.

Yeah, remember what I said about PTSD not being "sexy"?

Except I realized today that it totally is. For a certain value of "sexy."

Not!Harry is Broken. With a capital B.

And that makes me want to cuddle him like whoa.

I have a bleeding and shirtless Sherlock Holmes on my desktop. Having read the script, I know exactly why he is shirtless and bleeding, and guess what? He's...kind of broken too.

I'm in the "chicks dig scars" camp. And the scars can be mental or physical. And, yes, I realize that the mental scars are no fun to deal with IRL and can wear you out like nobody's business.

Would I personally want to deal with those scars with a real person on a day-to-day basis? Eh, probably not.

However, in fiction? Ohyesplzgivememoreofthat.

Yeah, I don't even know. Consult the tags.

Yes. There is something very very very wrong with me.

The BadWrong Fic of BadWrongness has been edited so it's even more badwrong than it was, thanks to a conversation with pensive1 sending my brain careening off in new and disturbing directions.

And in response to two different people pointing out that Obie showing the video to the Board might backfire rather badly on him, I edited that part as well. There's something else that I'm thinking about putting there, but that would escalate the whole thing into even more BadWrongness. Why I'm squeamish about going there when I've already gone pretty much as far as I could without actually killing Tony off is a question for the ages.

*headdesks repeatedly*

And, yes, I've written the fic from Pepper's viewpoint as well, at least the scene where she shows up, and then the Morning After.

I hate my brain. I'm not sure it's my brain, I think it's someone else's that got transplanted in there against my will. I'd like my own back, please. Now. Now would be good.

No, ya big meanie. I am not going to write the fic from Pepper's POV where she gets the call during this fic. Because it's not enough that he's broken, but I have to break her too?

I need to write something light and funny and not at all dark and disturbing. Let Flaubert out to play, would you?

What I need to do is break out the Cow and the Beanstalk story again.

Although the handsome and talented kurukami has given me a little plot bunny for a funny KKBB/IM crossover. But I wasn't going to write fanfic anymore...

I, do, however, want to get a bit meta about the point in the movie where the aforementioned fic takes place and why I did what I did. Because that's not egotistical at all. *eyeroll*

Maybe I'll do a commentary. Or not. That would be dwelling.