I've said it before.
Apr. 22nd, 2009 06:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agilebritAnd I'll say it again:
There's something wrong with me. Why Ben hasn't killed me in my sleep by now, I will never know.
I've been thinking about raping Ben in the next thing.
Which is bad enough. I mean, the poor guy is strapped down, naked, needles in both arms, wolfsbane netting wrapped around him to keep him from Changing during the full moon, which puts him at about a 12 out of 10 on the pain scale (he knows what a 10 feels like. This is worse)...he's in a bad enough way as it is. Also, he thinks he's going to die, and he may be right. A female vampire arousing him involuntarily (assuming his physiologic responses haven't been completely short-circuited by all this) and then riding him to a climax while she sucks on his neck would be humiliating icing on a shit cake, right?
But. What if.
Lady vampire tells him: I can take your pain away. I can make the panic attacks stop. I can give you relief from the nightmares. I can make you feel actually good for the first time in two and a half weeks. All you have to do is look at me...
And say "yes."
Yay for thrall, but he actually does have to look at her for it to work. He's been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and died. He's not going to want a repeat. Plus, he's now a married man. Cheating on Janni did not make it into his to-do list on this job.
That being said.
Agonizing, horrific pain, which he's been feeling non-stop for over two weeks? Near-constant panic attacks that leave him wrung out and barely conscious, when he was getting way better about them and remembers what that feels like? If he does manage a few minutes of sleep, nightmares yank him out of it again and again. People have gone insane from sleep deprivation, and he's nearly forgotten what not hurting is.
He wouldn't say "yes" right away. He's made of sterner stuff than that. But if the lady vamp sits down next to him a couple of times a day, running her hands over him, whispering in his ear, giving him just a taste of surcease... And then taking it away...
I'd forgive him for cracking.
The question is, would he forgive himself?
And this gets back into deconstructing our characters and breaking them into bitty shards. What they do under duress can be far more horrifying (both to them and us) than what is done to them by mean, bad people. We expect the mean, bad people to do mean, bad things. We do not expect our good-guy characters to violate their own ethics. And when they do that...
Yeah. Repercussions.
And that gets back to me being a horrible person. Because, really. Who the hell thinks of this kind of stuff?
I hate my brain.
There's something wrong with me. Why Ben hasn't killed me in my sleep by now, I will never know.
I've been thinking about raping Ben in the next thing.
Which is bad enough. I mean, the poor guy is strapped down, naked, needles in both arms, wolfsbane netting wrapped around him to keep him from Changing during the full moon, which puts him at about a 12 out of 10 on the pain scale (he knows what a 10 feels like. This is worse)...he's in a bad enough way as it is. Also, he thinks he's going to die, and he may be right. A female vampire arousing him involuntarily (assuming his physiologic responses haven't been completely short-circuited by all this) and then riding him to a climax while she sucks on his neck would be humiliating icing on a shit cake, right?
But. What if.
Lady vampire tells him: I can take your pain away. I can make the panic attacks stop. I can give you relief from the nightmares. I can make you feel actually good for the first time in two and a half weeks. All you have to do is look at me...
And say "yes."
Yay for thrall, but he actually does have to look at her for it to work. He's been there, done that, got the t-shirt, and died. He's not going to want a repeat. Plus, he's now a married man. Cheating on Janni did not make it into his to-do list on this job.
That being said.
Agonizing, horrific pain, which he's been feeling non-stop for over two weeks? Near-constant panic attacks that leave him wrung out and barely conscious, when he was getting way better about them and remembers what that feels like? If he does manage a few minutes of sleep, nightmares yank him out of it again and again. People have gone insane from sleep deprivation, and he's nearly forgotten what not hurting is.
He wouldn't say "yes" right away. He's made of sterner stuff than that. But if the lady vamp sits down next to him a couple of times a day, running her hands over him, whispering in his ear, giving him just a taste of surcease... And then taking it away...
I'd forgive him for cracking.
The question is, would he forgive himself?
And this gets back into deconstructing our characters and breaking them into bitty shards. What they do under duress can be far more horrifying (both to them and us) than what is done to them by mean, bad people. We expect the mean, bad people to do mean, bad things. We do not expect our good-guy characters to violate their own ethics. And when they do that...
Yeah. Repercussions.
And that gets back to me being a horrible person. Because, really. Who the hell thinks of this kind of stuff?
I hate my brain.
