Arrant Nonsense

I won't even call you scam artists because you're just not that good. But here's a newsflash for you: I've been on to you since way before the first time you called me. So when I get a call that hangs up on me, and google the number, and see via the helpful folks at 800notes that it's one of you? I figure you'll probably call back because you know you've got a live one. And I prepared for that, oh yes I did.

Sure enough, you did. After the usual "your computer has been sending errors to us" spiel, you asked me to turn it on. I informed you that it was on, and I was in front of it right now. And that's when it got funny.

"What's on your screen right now?" you asked.

I answered sweetly, "An article from Wired.com titled 'What happens if you play along with a Microsoft tech support scam.'"

"Oh." *click*

Hilarity ensued from my husband and son. But you, my friend, got off lightly. Because I kept the last scammer on the phone for nearly 13 minutes, wasting his time and letting him think I was falling for it. I do this for entertainment. So you might as well stop calling me.

I know you won't, though. So I'll continue to string you along every time you call, keeping you from calling some poor schlub who might actually fall for your dumb scheme.

No love,
Me

In other news, I got word the other day that they're starting audiobook production for my novel! So that is spiffy and awesome. I'm thrilled.

And I got an acceptance from Far Fetched Fables for the cow story, which will be going into audio production soon.

In other other news, the White Cat passed away a couple of weeks ago. She was nearly 16 and had chronic feline rhinotracheitis her entire life, and managed to outlive both the dog and the other cat, but it's still never easy, especially so soon after the dog passed. Before you ask, yes, we're going to get a pair of kittens, but after the holidays and all the travel that entails.

And in yet other critter news, if you haven't been following along, we went to the pet store for a guinea pig hammock and, uh, came home with another guinea pig. All three of them are still figuring out exactly what this is, and we haven't left the new one alone overnight in the cage with the other two, who are more than twice his size. But they're getting along okay, as good as guinea pigs get along, I guess, and Gandalf is little and cute and I'm pretty sure that he is also a Silky rather than an American breed. He's got the same sort of hair that Killian had when we got him. But we shall see. He's super cuddly. <3

Also, mad props to Kurt Russell, who laid a beautiful smackdown on a clueless reporter vis a vis guns. I have many thoughts about the issue myself, but that will require an entry of its own.

So, I was poking through my Cow Story tag and realized, huh, when I posted it for the Usual suspects, it was over 9,000 words long. According to my spreadsheet and the first page, it's 6700 words long.

How and when did I whack 3000 words out of it?

So I did the word count thing on the doc again.

It's actually 9700 words long.

Gee. I wonder if that's why it got rejected so many times. I really wish someone had dropped me a note saying "Hey, you realize this thing is 3000 words longer than you think it is?"

I feel like an idiot.

The Horrible Paragraph of Clunky Awfulness has been pared down, rearranged, and mashed into something of fewer words that doesn't suck. My second round of edits is done. This makes me a happy camper.

And the publication I sent the Cow story off to likes it, but they publish several different magazines and so the owner-dude wants to pass it to a different editor because he thinks it's a better fit there. After apologizing for taking so long--which, you know, five weeks where there's two holidays involved doesn't seem like that long, especially when I've waited eleven months for some places to get back to me.

Naturally I told him I'd be delighted if he passed it to a better-fitting editor, and I hope they like it as much as he did and will finally take the poor thing off my hands. It's one of my very favorite stories and I'd love for it to find a home at a pay rate it deserves.

So, yes. I'm feeling better about things today. It helps that the Period Headache has abated for now and I actually fit into these damn pants this morning when I didn't the other day. Stupid hormones.

Dukes of Hazzard DVDs (as we do), and I noticed a name in the end credits.

Kelly Manners.

Huh, sez I, that name is familiar. And so it should be, to anyone who has even a passing familiarity with Joss Whedon's shows.

And now, of course, I'm beating off the crossover plot bunnies with a stick.

I feel like a ginormous geek right now. Not least because I am also holding, in my formerly nicotine-stained fingers, a copy of "Heat Wave," by Richard Castle. Yes. That Richard Castle. The guy in my icon. I had a 40% off coupon from Borders Rewards today (seriously, why is EVERYONE not a member of this? It's free. They send you coupons in your email. There is no bad there), and I hied me to the bookstore and snagged (possibly) the last copy on the shelf.

I also grabbed the latest Writers of the Future compilation, and I've just checked the WotF blog and found that the handsome and talented Chris Cook (one of the guys I hang out with at Cons) made the Honorable Mention list, and the handsome and talented bradrtorgersen made the Finalist cut. Congrats to them!

My entry for that quarter is now off to the wild slush pile at Realms. Cross your fingers for it. I hope it at least makes Doug laugh.

Also, I got some scribbling done today myownself and managed to merge a couple of scenes that needed it badly. Yay.

Got my best rejection ever from F&SF. He didn't pass it on, but the one I got (I think) indicates that he at least read to the end, according to the reject-o-mancy I'm familiar with. I will choose to see this as a Win.

And, when we get paid again, I will ship it off to the next market, which also only allows snail mail subs. The length of this one makes the markets thin on the ground. *shakes fist at Muse, who seems to have forgotten the meaning of "short"*

God, I can't wait to get my spreadsheet back.

I HAVE WIRELESS PRINTING. And lo, it is GOOD. Also, fast. OMG.

This means that, yes, I get to send the Cow story to the next market tomorrow.

My printer is three and a half years old. Yesterday, it had a paper jam while printing out my pages for my Writing Buddy--and has been malfunctioning ever since. We've lubricated the bar thingy that the print head rides on, which worked for a little while, although it was spooging random ink on the pages it was printing. That's fine for stuff I want to give to my Writing Buddy, or print out for Da Boy for school. Not so much if I want to send a manuscript to a professional publication for consideration.

Then it threw more "paper jams" at me, even though the paper was in no way actually jammed.

I want a new printer. This one's been sucking at me for awhile, actually. Hubby is balking. "It should last five years," he says. I tend to agree, but what are you gonna do? I can't be printer-less.

And then, of course, I was poking through the Cow story to see if I still thought it was up to snuff, and found some egregious extra words on page 44 where my editing job fell down.

Not a good day.

*chants* I have payment in the bank. I have payment in the bank. I made my wordcount for the week and might even have a satisfactory ending. Maybe. Ben is as whole as he gets, I solved my "dramatic tension" problem (possibly by cheating, but... whatever), and I had a good weekend wherein I got to hang out with other writers for awhile.

We've got a double rainbow right now.

We got the airplane back today and it's PRETTY. Pix soon.

I have now formatted the Cow Story for WotF. 47 pages ZOMG.

I found the screencaps I'm missing for KKBB (thank you to the lovely and effulgent quicksilvermad) and will be DL'ing them tomorrow. Because those are huge files which will require much time. And then we'll see if I can create a KKBB mood theme.

In not-so-nice news, yes, I'm sick. And I'm drawing a complete blank on where my 250 words for the day are going to come from. I'm not sure I'm going to get them. But since I've hit my goal for the week already, and I'm sick, I'm not going to sweat it. :p

Okay, so new words in the novelthing, not happening. At least, not yet--the Sophie's Choice Scenario is coming together...badly, and possibly needs more time to percolate. Dammit, I really don't want to kill Ange off--and the angst potential if he tells her he loves her and she lives might be higher than if she dies. Yes, I'm evil, I know. Shut up. But the night's still young (relatively, for me), so there's still time.

HOWEVER. I got the edits done in the Cow Story, based on the feedback from My Happy Few *smishes you all HARD*, and I think it's ready to go into the wide world--or at least to Writers of the Future, who frequently complains that they don't get enough humor. Let's see how they like this. I'll be shipping it out Saturday, probably, seeing as the deadline is the 30th and there's no sense wasting time. I may just call it "The Cow and the Beanstalk" and be done with it, unless anyone has any better ideas.

And time for the...

WEEKLY WORD COUNT. /reverb

Once again, novelthing and Cow Story.

Novelthing:
Last week's word count: 60,089
This week's word count: 66,174
Word count for the week: 6,085

Cow Story:
Last week's word count: 8,202
This week's word count: 9,752
Word count for the week: 1,550
With an END at the bottom.

Total on the week: 7,635

Now, the Cow Story has since been trimmed down to 9,570 in edits, so...I don't even know--might be fair to trim 182 off the total? Also, it still needs a title, and I'll be posting it up for the Usual Suspects to have a hack at later today, probably. I'm seriously thinking of just going with "The Cow and the Beanstalk."

Also, for those of you who didn't catch the significance of the total on the Novelthing, I cracked 66K on it and am thus just about two-thirds of the way to my stated goal. Which, by the way, I don't think I'll have any trouble hitting. There's a lot in here that I haven't covered on Janni's side of things, what she's doing to try to find Ben and such. And of course, I haven't even begun to deal with the fallout of what happened to him, or started poking my actual endgame yet.