Arrant Nonsense

I've got a little over a thousand words of badwrong Iron Man fic.

I plead alcohol.

And I have no earthly idea how I'm going to end this thing. It's first person, Tony's POV, present tense, so it's ... tough.

It's also not very good. Again, I plead alcohol. Also, there's that whole "I suck at emotions" thing going too. Because I've snapped him right in half (seems to be a trend with me, go figure), and I'd like to put him together again, at least a little, but I'm not sure how he comes back from something like this even with Pepper to anchor him. Yeah, that punch to the gut that quigonejinn is so good at? I'm...not. I tend to aim more at an "aww" reaction than a "HOLY SHIT" one. I like the comfort with my hurt.

The problem is that Pepper's not really in a place where she can offer Tony the comfort, and Tony's not really in a place where he'll take it from her anyway. So I'm stuck in this awkward spot where it needs to happen and just can't because of who they are at this particular point in time.

So. The story sucks, y'all, and will probably never see the light of day. *sigh*

No, no, no.

I am not going to write an Iron Man story wherein ( cut for the OMG this is SO badwrong... )


pensive1, you got this?

that this story is going to allow me to indulge in my cast-iron fic kink. (Which is different from a cast-iron sexual kink. Usually.)

*facepalm*

*headdesk*

The oldies on my flist know what I'm talking about. It's a leftover from the Buffy and Angel fandoms. I even managed to incorporate it into one of my Angel/Firefly crossovers, because I'm just BAD that way. I did it in my first ever story, and in my next-to-last fic in those fandoms as well.

And you poor newbies are scratching your heads and going "Do we want to know? Really?"

Well, whether you do or not, I'm going to tell you.

In vampire fiction, I have a thing about scenes where a vampire has to feed from a human, usually because the vampire is injured so badly that pig blood just won't do. Bonus points if it's a Slayer or a love interest, although I once had one where Spike (unconscious) fed from Angel in a non-slash story. Neither of them were happy about it.

And it's always a wrist, never a neck bite. Just to point up how...very...strange I am.

So, yeah. I'm probably going to find a way to do that in this. Because I'm me and this is my story and the plot will tend that way whether I want it to or not and whether I do it deliberately or not.

Also, this icon? Particularly apropos.

*headdesks repeatedly*

I suck.

I've written all of 36 words today. I need to write 214 more. This shouldn't be a hardship, considering what I'm doing in this scene.

Remember how I suck at emotions?

Yeah, that.

So, I'm struggling with it, a little. And instead of staring at the page and making little typing motions with my fingers...

I'm making a bearded vamped!Robert icon.


Here's the original:


WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

*headdesks repeatedly*

If anyone finds my brain, could you return it, please? I miss it terribly.

So, someone at the robertdowney_jr comm (the lovely and effulgent csi_coolbeans wanted pix of Robert, preferably as Sherlock Holmes, vamped.

Considering what I just did to not!Harry, I thought the challenge was particularly apropos.

So, I made this:


( And then I got all artistic and stuff... )

Seriously. Poor not!Harry. And I just used a gratuitous Buffy reference. And cracked 40,500 words.

Sorry about the wordcount spammage, but this is kind of a big deal for me.

And I still am not sure where I go from here. I know this much, though: My bad guys are not going to be happy that not!Harry is still in the land of the living (in a manner of speaking). Also, they've still got reason to be pissed at not!Tony.

Which is fine, because my good guys are none too happy with what the bad guys did to not!Harry.

This should make for a...rather apocalyptic confrontation.

I'm still calling this character not!Harry.

Understand that the only resemblance he bears to actual!Harry anymore is the fact that RDJ plays him in my head, and he calls not!Harmony "honey." Oh, and he's turning out to be My Favorite Punching Bag ™, which, yeah (spoilers for "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang;" yes, that's my fanvid). Not!Harry is competent, somewhat brainy, and ex-Army, whereas actual!Harry is, well, none of these things.

But I've got this conceit while I'm talking about this story, and thus the terminology will stay.

If I hit my goal in writing today, I'll break 15,000 words. I managed a little over 500 yesterday, found the elusive scene break, and wrote a new villain scene.

Also, once again: Robert and Susan: Cutest couple EVER, y/y?

Actually thinking about my actual plot before I'm eleven thousand words into a story might actually be a good idea.

I need to figure out who my actual bad guy is and what form the industrial espionage is actually taking.

And then I might be able to actually sit and actually write the actual story. And I might start thinking I'm actually smart.

I...am pathetic.

We got paid today. So I bought:

This month's Rolling Stone. Cover story: Robert Downey, Jr. Loooong article.

US Marshals on DVD. Shut up. It was in the $5 bin.

An Iron Monger action figure. Understand that I bought the Iron Man action figure it goes with about a month ago. If there was a Pepper Potts action figure, they'd actually come out of the packaging.

The animated Iron Man DVD, which actually looks kind of awesome. It was only $7.50.

I considered picking up the Gothika/Queen of the Damned double DVD set (also $7.50), but it was in fullscreen, so I said "Meh" and put it back. And I really want to get some of the Iron Man trades. I just need to figure how much they're going to cost and put that money aside so I can get them all at once. And it looks like the Civil War arc is ... rather epic.

I also read the EW interview with Robert, Ben, and Jack. Had there been anything in my mouth, it would have left, explosively. Several times. I swear, RDJ is one of the most self-aware people I've ever seen. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: He knows the bullet he dodged. He thinks about that bullet every day of his life. And he knows how blessed he is to have gotten another chance.

Which is why when someone wants to RP him diving into a bottle because Susan is having a difficult pregnancy, I heartily wish for the ability to reach through the internet and strangle a bitch. *growls* Context is for the weak. Suffice to say that someone on the internet is WRONG and I'm womanfully refraining from ripping that person several new assholes. See, people? *points* This is why mundanes think that RPing real people is creepy.

Also, Robert and Susan: Cutest couple ever, y/y?

So, in keeping with the "we always hurt the characters we love" theme, I decided to look at my original fiction and see where I stood in that department.

It's...not a pretty picture.

BeagleFic: This one is remarkably violence-free. Go me. It's the only one.

Gargoyles: Er. Dead baby, opening scene. Carnage throughout.

DragonFic: Exploding baby dragons. Charlie nearly dies in a space battle.

Merc&theSnake: Male and female protagonist both die. Medtech brings them back.

A&tS Male protag goes insane. Good times.

Werewolf Fic: Biting with subsequent wolferizing.

CatFeet: Story is about a serial killer. Nuff said.

BeeFic: Bees vs Faeries in a war over honey. Death and injury.

Abducted!Werewolf: Giant alien bugs kidnap the wrong Earthling. More carnage.

BearFic: Bear kills evil abbott.

Giant Bugs: Dog dies in opening scene. Did I mention I destroy the Pacific Ocean?

Bunny From Hell: Stuffed bunny wants to be Real. Current owner not able to make that happen. He smothers her. She's...five?

Faerie Show: Kidnapped faerie kills and eats prospective mate.

Not!Iron Man: Male protag gets the shit beat out of him and nearly dies. Female protag loses an eye.

Yeah. I think I have issues.

In other news, there's an Iron Man Friending Meme going on over at ironman_lounge. Go forth, make new friends!

Oh. Icon. Little more artsy than I usually do: