agilebrit: (Puppy Has Teeth 1)
That would be me.

Because I can't stop tweaking this wallpaper.

I've added scars (they're subtle--handcuff scars on his wrists, and something...interesting, on his chest). And a couple of facial wounds. ETA: And bruises on his knuckles... and a cut on his lip...

And erased the tattoo.

Seriously, someone needs to STOP ME.



Yeah, you can just click on the thumbnail if you want to see the full-sized thing; I ain't postin' it here, but it's on my Photobucket account.

I am a horrible person.

Mainly I think I'm deflecting because I need to make Janni finally break down and lose it and I'm reluctant to write that scene for some reason.

ETA: Er. Icon. *headdesks*
agilebrit: (Puppy Has Teeth 1)
That would be me.

Because I can't stop tweaking this wallpaper.

I've added scars (they're subtle--handcuff scars on his wrists, and something...interesting, on his chest). And a couple of facial wounds. ETA: And bruises on his knuckles... and a cut on his lip...

And erased the tattoo.

Seriously, someone needs to STOP ME.



Yeah, you can just click on the thumbnail if you want to see the full-sized thing; I ain't postin' it here, but it's on my Photobucket account.

I am a horrible person.

Mainly I think I'm deflecting because I need to make Janni finally break down and lose it and I'm reluctant to write that scene for some reason.

ETA: Er. Icon. *headdesks*
agilebrit: (werewolf)
x1000.

Because, not only did I turn him blond.

I emphasized the dark circles under his eyes and darkened the five-o'clock shadow.

AND THEN.

I added a vampire bite to his wrist.

Someone just shoot me.



Full-sized pathetic-ness under the cut. )
agilebrit: (werewolf)
x1000.

Because, not only did I turn him blond.

I emphasized the dark circles under his eyes and darkened the five-o'clock shadow.

AND THEN.

I added a vampire bite to his wrist.

Someone just shoot me.



Full-sized pathetic-ness under the cut. )
agilebrit: (Facepalm2)
I make wallpaper.



1024x600 image under the cut, go on click it, because DAMN. )

In writing news, I've just about decided that I haven't actually broken Ben enough. Okay, yes, horrible trauma, all his buttons getting pushed, yadda yadda.

HOWEVER.

He does have someone there with him who is trying to assiduously avoid him falling apart on her completely.

AND.

This stuff? Old hat to him. He knows when he's having a panic attack; he can deal with flashbacks. He's done this before, second verse same as the first. It's a setback, yes. But not a brand-new one.

SO.

The incident where he gets put back on the table for good and almost dies (again) doesn't involve him breaking (as Ange has already stated). It involves him taking his life back, in a final and violent burst of blood and wrath. But he's never out of control of himself during the incident--he does what he feels like he needs to do, and then it's over...he doesn't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it. Hell, he's probably saner at that moment than he's been in the entire couple of weeks leading up to it, because he's thought this entire time that he's been hallucinating.

THEREFORE.

If "breaking Ben" is really the interesting part to me (and it isn't, as I'm beginning to harbor a horrible suspicion, gratuitous H/C, with more H than C because I'm a sadistic bitch)...then I need to figure out exactly what would actually break him. I took him to that point in the last one, and he ended up in the scrub with an automatic rifle under his chin and his finger on the trigger. He didn't pull it, but it was a near thing.

Bind him up in his own guilt over ... something--some awful mistake that he makes. Someone may have to die this time. And no, I won't kill Janni off to make room for Ange. Nor will I kill Ange off to make it easier on Janni. Alex and Megan are off the table too, because I have plans for them. Amorphous, blobby plans, but plans--I definitely need to have another adventure with my adrenaline-junkie, alcohol-abusing, eccentric billionaire and his lovely werewolf wife.

Huh. Who'd have thunk, with all this...that it's not enough?
agilebrit: (Facepalm2)
I make wallpaper.



1024x600 image under the cut, go on click it, because DAMN. )

In writing news, I've just about decided that I haven't actually broken Ben enough. Okay, yes, horrible trauma, all his buttons getting pushed, yadda yadda.

HOWEVER.

He does have someone there with him who is trying to assiduously avoid him falling apart on her completely.

AND.

This stuff? Old hat to him. He knows when he's having a panic attack; he can deal with flashbacks. He's done this before, second verse same as the first. It's a setback, yes. But not a brand-new one.

SO.

The incident where he gets put back on the table for good and almost dies (again) doesn't involve him breaking (as Ange has already stated). It involves him taking his life back, in a final and violent burst of blood and wrath. But he's never out of control of himself during the incident--he does what he feels like he needs to do, and then it's over...he doesn't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it. Hell, he's probably saner at that moment than he's been in the entire couple of weeks leading up to it, because he's thought this entire time that he's been hallucinating.

THEREFORE.

If "breaking Ben" is really the interesting part to me (and it isn't, as I'm beginning to harbor a horrible suspicion, gratuitous H/C, with more H than C because I'm a sadistic bitch)...then I need to figure out exactly what would actually break him. I took him to that point in the last one, and he ended up in the scrub with an automatic rifle under his chin and his finger on the trigger. He didn't pull it, but it was a near thing.

Bind him up in his own guilt over ... something--some awful mistake that he makes. Someone may have to die this time. And no, I won't kill Janni off to make room for Ange. Nor will I kill Ange off to make it easier on Janni. Alex and Megan are off the table too, because I have plans for them. Amorphous, blobby plans, but plans--I definitely need to have another adventure with my adrenaline-junkie, alcohol-abusing, eccentric billionaire and his lovely werewolf wife.

Huh. Who'd have thunk, with all this...that it's not enough?

Poo.

Jul. 13th, 2009 11:51 am
agilebrit: (Well shit.)
If anyone's seen my Zing hanging around, could you tell it that I miss it terribly and would like it back? I mean, I realize that I've scribbled nearly 180,000 words starring Ben in less than a year, and maybe I'm just exhausted by it, but I'd really like to finish this novel so it will stop eating my brain.

I didn't even open the fic doc yesterday. Nor have I opened it today. And yes, I know I still need to post a Weekly Word Count. I'll get to it. I poked the querything for the first novel (the Hubby had some excellent suggestions, which I gleefully incorporated), but it still reads like a dry laundry list rather than something that pops, y'know? "Show, don't tell" is hard when you're trying to condense something that took months of blood, sweat, and tears into its component parts, especially when you've got this many characters running around in it.

*sigh*

Why did this thing suddenly stop being interesting to me once I got Ben out of prison? Am I so frakked up that taking him apart is more fun than putting him back together?

I think it's entirely possible that I am.

Poo.

Jul. 13th, 2009 11:51 am
agilebrit: (Well shit.)
If anyone's seen my Zing hanging around, could you tell it that I miss it terribly and would like it back? I mean, I realize that I've scribbled nearly 180,000 words starring Ben in less than a year, and maybe I'm just exhausted by it, but I'd really like to finish this novel so it will stop eating my brain.

I didn't even open the fic doc yesterday. Nor have I opened it today. And yes, I know I still need to post a Weekly Word Count. I'll get to it. I poked the querything for the first novel (the Hubby had some excellent suggestions, which I gleefully incorporated), but it still reads like a dry laundry list rather than something that pops, y'know? "Show, don't tell" is hard when you're trying to condense something that took months of blood, sweat, and tears into its component parts, especially when you've got this many characters running around in it.

*sigh*

Why did this thing suddenly stop being interesting to me once I got Ben out of prison? Am I so frakked up that taking him apart is more fun than putting him back together?

I think it's entirely possible that I am.
agilebrit: (puppy!)
I just introduced a character in one of Ben's awful flashbacks, and she's awesome.

And then she dies.

And then Fifi dies, after Ben comes up from the flashback. And he can't do a blessed thing about it, because he can't even frakking move at that point. So, he gets to relive an Army buddy dying in front of him, while he's helpless to stop it, in technicolor glory--and then he gets to see someone else die in front of him whom he also can't help.

And I see you over there going "Buh? Who the Sam Hill is Fifi?" Wolf Girl.

Anyway. Guess what that kicks my wordcount up to?

80,000.

Whee!
agilebrit: (puppy!)
I just introduced a character in one of Ben's awful flashbacks, and she's awesome.

And then she dies.

And then Fifi dies, after Ben comes up from the flashback. And he can't do a blessed thing about it, because he can't even frakking move at that point. So, he gets to relive an Army buddy dying in front of him, while he's helpless to stop it, in technicolor glory--and then he gets to see someone else die in front of him whom he also can't help.

And I see you over there going "Buh? Who the Sam Hill is Fifi?" Wolf Girl.

Anyway. Guess what that kicks my wordcount up to?

80,000.

Whee!
agilebrit: (facepalm)
So. I've been watching "True Blood." Being as it's a vampire series based on a book series I happen to like quite a bit, I thought I'd check it out.

First of all, there's not a guy on this show who isn't Smoking Hawt. Oh my lord, where did they dig these guys up from, seriously?

That being said.

I'm pretty sure that the characters I'm supposed to be glomming onto are Sookie and Bill, right?

But this is me. My favorite character in BtVS was Spike. Angel didn't make my top three favorites in his own show. I'm fair certain that Chuck is supposed to be my favorite, not Casey. Ditto: Mal, not Jayne, in Firefly. (Granted, it may be the Adam Baldwin Factor in those two. Just sayin'. Shallow [livejournal.com profile] agilebrit is shallow. Sue me.) Jane, not Cho, on The Mentalist. Charlie and Don, not Colby and David in Numb3rs.

Shall I go on? Give me a show with interesting and engaging major characters, and I latch onto the secondary ones like a leech. And so who am I glomming onto for True Blood?

Sam and Tara.

NOT ONLY THAT.

But it's entirely possible that Sam Trammell, who plays Sam in True Blood, may have replaced RDJ in my head as the guy who plays Ben. Because, damn, look at that face.

Now. I'm only up to S1E6. I have no idea how long it'll be before they do the Big Reveal Big ol' spoiler that's probably not actually one but I'm sticking it behind the cut just in case, along with an icon. )
agilebrit: (facepalm)
So. I've been watching "True Blood." Being as it's a vampire series based on a book series I happen to like quite a bit, I thought I'd check it out.

First of all, there's not a guy on this show who isn't Smoking Hawt. Oh my lord, where did they dig these guys up from, seriously?

That being said.

I'm pretty sure that the characters I'm supposed to be glomming onto are Sookie and Bill, right?

But this is me. My favorite character in BtVS was Spike. Angel didn't make my top three favorites in his own show. I'm fair certain that Chuck is supposed to be my favorite, not Casey. Ditto: Mal, not Jayne, in Firefly. (Granted, it may be the Adam Baldwin Factor in those two. Just sayin'. Shallow [livejournal.com profile] agilebrit is shallow. Sue me.) Jane, not Cho, on The Mentalist. Charlie and Don, not Colby and David in Numb3rs.

Shall I go on? Give me a show with interesting and engaging major characters, and I latch onto the secondary ones like a leech. And so who am I glomming onto for True Blood?

Sam and Tara.

NOT ONLY THAT.

But it's entirely possible that Sam Trammell, who plays Sam in True Blood, may have replaced RDJ in my head as the guy who plays Ben. Because, damn, look at that face.

Now. I'm only up to S1E6. I have no idea how long it'll be before they do the Big Reveal Big ol' spoiler that's probably not actually one but I'm sticking it behind the cut just in case, along with an icon. )
agilebrit: (Hit you for no reason)
Antubis, you are horrible and should be taken out and shot. Or at least given a good stern talking to.

I may (or may not) have an endgame coming together.

It is one in which Ben gets to make a Sophie's Choice over his girls. And in which he tells Ange he loves her. In front of Janni. And then Ange will say "I know, puppy, now go save your wife." And, of course, he does. And Ange goes poof into a pile of ash and bone because he can't save them both.

Not that there's any question he'd save Janni, because DUH, but DAMN.
agilebrit: (Hit you for no reason)
Antubis, you are horrible and should be taken out and shot. Or at least given a good stern talking to.

I may (or may not) have an endgame coming together.

It is one in which Ben gets to make a Sophie's Choice over his girls. And in which he tells Ange he loves her. In front of Janni. And then Ange will say "I know, puppy, now go save your wife." And, of course, he does. And Ange goes poof into a pile of ash and bone because he can't save them both.

Not that there's any question he'd save Janni, because DUH, but DAMN.
agilebrit: (facepalm)
So. The putative daily writing goal is 250 words. This is doable. Anyone should be able to do this. Since I've been keeping track in April, I've missed that daily goal once.

And I didn't miss it yesterday either. Tripled it, in fact.

However.

I'm at a mental place where I'm not happy unless I do a thousand words on each project per day. This is beyond NaNo pace, and a ridiculous goal to set, considering my life and how slowly I actually write. I'm setting myself up for failure on a monumental scale. AND I KNOW THIS.

And yet, I'm still disappointed with myself that I didn't hit it yesterday, even though I was at the seminar most of the day and then spent the rest of the evening with my actual family and still managed to triple the actual goal.

I should NOT be disappointed in the fact that I've only written 10,965 words this week.

I'm an idiot. *headdesks repeatedly*
agilebrit: (facepalm)
So. The putative daily writing goal is 250 words. This is doable. Anyone should be able to do this. Since I've been keeping track in April, I've missed that daily goal once.

And I didn't miss it yesterday either. Tripled it, in fact.

However.

I'm at a mental place where I'm not happy unless I do a thousand words on each project per day. This is beyond NaNo pace, and a ridiculous goal to set, considering my life and how slowly I actually write. I'm setting myself up for failure on a monumental scale. AND I KNOW THIS.

And yet, I'm still disappointed with myself that I didn't hit it yesterday, even though I was at the seminar most of the day and then spent the rest of the evening with my actual family and still managed to triple the actual goal.

I should NOT be disappointed in the fact that I've only written 10,965 words this week.

I'm an idiot. *headdesks repeatedly*
agilebrit: (Well shit.)
And thus time for...

THE WEEKLY WORD COUNT. /reverb

Feh.

Last week's word count: 47,502
This week's word count: 54,497
Word count for the week: 6,995

I...should not be disappointed by that. That is a fine and healthy average of nearly a thousand words a day. However, in the interests of full disclosure, I only managed 18 words yesterday (in edits), so, yeah, FAIL.

I think it may be because the whole Plot Hole Thing threw me for something of a loop yesterday, and I have a hard time writing new stuff until I fix (what I see as) a giant problem like that--and I'm still wrestling with it. Not to mention the fact that there comes a point where Ben is actually saying "yes" rather than being carried along by the force of Angeline's personality, and after that he starts *cough* initiating things himself. Yes, I can say "Stockholm Syndrome," how about you?

And then the Hubby and I had a convo last night about Consent Issues, and his attitude is that, in a situation like this, Angeline is raping Ben no matter what. Because she's in a position of complete and utter power over him and controls whether he lives, dies, or eats.

Myself, I think I've set it up a tiny bit grayer than that, because while that's certainly true, she doesn't use that power to try to get what she wants. She isn't going to hurt him or deprive him if he continues to say "no," and I think this is pretty plain, although I could probably make it plainer. Instead, she uses persuasion and seduction to eventually wear him down. The fact that she finally succeeds in a moment when he's utterly vulnerable probably does cross the line into rape, I can see that much, and it ends about as well as you'd expect.

Looking over what I've done, it seems that they really only have sex after moments of sheer stress. Interesting...

And yes, there's more sex in this thing than in everything else I've ever written--combined. I'm not sure what that says about me.
agilebrit: (Well shit.)
And thus time for...

THE WEEKLY WORD COUNT. /reverb

Feh.

Last week's word count: 47,502
This week's word count: 54,497
Word count for the week: 6,995

I...should not be disappointed by that. That is a fine and healthy average of nearly a thousand words a day. However, in the interests of full disclosure, I only managed 18 words yesterday (in edits), so, yeah, FAIL.

I think it may be because the whole Plot Hole Thing threw me for something of a loop yesterday, and I have a hard time writing new stuff until I fix (what I see as) a giant problem like that--and I'm still wrestling with it. Not to mention the fact that there comes a point where Ben is actually saying "yes" rather than being carried along by the force of Angeline's personality, and after that he starts *cough* initiating things himself. Yes, I can say "Stockholm Syndrome," how about you?

And then the Hubby and I had a convo last night about Consent Issues, and his attitude is that, in a situation like this, Angeline is raping Ben no matter what. Because she's in a position of complete and utter power over him and controls whether he lives, dies, or eats.

Myself, I think I've set it up a tiny bit grayer than that, because while that's certainly true, she doesn't use that power to try to get what she wants. She isn't going to hurt him or deprive him if he continues to say "no," and I think this is pretty plain, although I could probably make it plainer. Instead, she uses persuasion and seduction to eventually wear him down. The fact that she finally succeeds in a moment when he's utterly vulnerable probably does cross the line into rape, I can see that much, and it ends about as well as you'd expect.

Looking over what I've done, it seems that they really only have sex after moments of sheer stress. Interesting...

And yes, there's more sex in this thing than in everything else I've ever written--combined. I'm not sure what that says about me.
agilebrit: (Over My Head)
My gratuitous torture scene just turned into something plotty and character-y. I even know where it goes now.

I'm not sure whether I should be smashing my keyboard with my forehead or cackling with insane glee. Perhaps I shall smash my keyboard while cackling. That would be fitting.
agilebrit: (Over My Head)
My gratuitous torture scene just turned into something plotty and character-y. I even know where it goes now.

I'm not sure whether I should be smashing my keyboard with my forehead or cackling with insane glee. Perhaps I shall smash my keyboard while cackling. That would be fitting.

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