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Back to the drawing board on the drabble. The Hubby had a sort of "eh" reaction to it, and
ericjamesstone rightly pointed out that it's really too vague to be effective.
And I tend to agree. Something like this needs to either make the reader laugh, or be a gut-punch. This is neither. It's okay, but it's not great.
I used to be the Drabble Queen. I once cranked out thirty drabbles in a week. I can do this.
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And I tend to agree. Something like this needs to either make the reader laugh, or be a gut-punch. This is neither. It's okay, but it's not great.
I used to be the Drabble Queen. I once cranked out thirty drabbles in a week. I can do this.
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Date: 2008-02-10 10:45 pm (UTC)Also, it might solve the confusion problem if you just say WHERE he works. I liked the "we call it SS" line, but why not just CALL it that. "I work for SS (or whatever the name was)." That would make it infinitely more interesting too. And you could probably drop a few sentences at the beginning if you start with that lead. Just a thought.