Gah.

[agilebrit]

Back to the drawing board on the drabble. The Hubby had a sort of "eh" reaction to it, and ericjamesstone rightly pointed out that it's really too vague to be effective.

And I tend to agree. Something like this needs to either make the reader laugh, or be a gut-punch. This is neither. It's okay, but it's not great.

I used to be the Drabble Queen. I once cranked out thirty drabbles in a week. I can do this.

Comments

[mermaidrain.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I hate to admit it, but I found it a little confusing myself due to the vagueness. Is it saying the person talking is actually working at a firm in hell (or some sort of supernatural place)? *is confused*

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Oh, please, if something that I write is confusing, go ahead and tell me! I can take it, and I need to know.

*hunts for Flaubert, because funny is better than gut-punch under these circumstances, I think*

[mermaidrain.livejournal.com]

You know, it's not like it needs a massive overhaul. Just a little tweaking should do it. I can see what you're trying to do after all. And having a drabble on the back of a business card is a really cool idea too.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

If I could just figure out what this character's "line" is, and how he crossed it, then I might have that thing we call "story." I've got something nibbling here, I think.

I'm wondering if my self-imposed limit of a hundred words is too confining, though...

[mermaidrain.livejournal.com]

Well, how big is your business card? I mean, I wouldn't want to be passing out 3 X 5 cards or anything. LOL!

Also, it might solve the confusion problem if you just say WHERE he works. I liked the "we call it SS" line, but why not just CALL it that. "I work for SS (or whatever the name was)." That would make it infinitely more interesting too. And you could probably drop a few sentences at the beginning if you start with that lead. Just a thought.