Back to the grindstone.

This scene...

I've been informed by a reader that the sentence "His eyes were blue pits of exhausted despair" is...purple. Okay, fair enough. To each their own, different strokes, and all that. I rather like the sentence, and I'm keeping it.

In a manner of speaking.

Because that sentence, to my way of thinking, doesn't quite describe not!Harry's state of mind well enough. WHY are his eyes blue pits of exhausted despair? So, I was pondering last night, and I came up with this permutation of the sentence instead:

His eyes were blue pits of grief-stricken exhaustion.

Still purple? Eh, maybe. But it's a better sentence because it tells us more with the simple substitution of one word. I don't wax poetic that often, and, let's face it, tastes vary. A sentence one reader might think is purple, another reader will think is evocative. That sentence hits my "evocative" button pretty hard.

Aw, not!Harry.

Back to the grindstone.

This scene...

I've been informed by a reader that the sentence "His eyes were blue pits of exhausted despair" is...purple. Okay, fair enough. To each their own, different strokes, and all that. I rather like the sentence, and I'm keeping it.

In a manner of speaking.

Because that sentence, to my way of thinking, doesn't quite describe not!Harry's state of mind well enough. WHY are his eyes blue pits of exhausted despair? So, I was pondering last night, and I came up with this permutation of the sentence instead:

His eyes were blue pits of grief-stricken exhaustion.

Still purple? Eh, maybe. But it's a better sentence because it tells us more with the simple substitution of one word. I don't wax poetic that often, and, let's face it, tastes vary. A sentence one reader might think is purple, another reader will think is evocative. That sentence hits my "evocative" button pretty hard.

Aw, not!Harry.

I had a 25% off coupon...

For Borders today. So, after picking up my weekly comic haul from Night Flight, I hied across the street and poked through the Borders SF/F collection. I didn't see anything that pinged me there, and I wandered upstairs to the graphic novel collection.

I've been hearing noise about the Marvel Civil War. They had the Civil War: Iron Man trade, and with the coupon it was $8, so I said, yeah, that.

I have now finished it.

adslkfja;lskfaj <--inarticulate keysmash ahoy

OW. OW OW OW, y'all. Just... OW. With a healthy dose of "Oh, god." Also "oh, Tony."

And now I realize I should probably get the rest of these, but I'm not sure I can handle this much frakking pain.

Because OW. I realize that Tony is the Poster Child for Manpain, but DAMN.

Dear God, I hope they never make movies out of these. Because I will have to go, and crying in public is embarrassing.

I had a 25% off coupon...

For Borders today. So, after picking up my weekly comic haul from Night Flight, I hied across the street and poked through the Borders SF/F collection. I didn't see anything that pinged me there, and I wandered upstairs to the graphic novel collection.

I've been hearing noise about the Marvel Civil War. They had the Civil War: Iron Man trade, and with the coupon it was $8, so I said, yeah, that.

I have now finished it.

adslkfja;lskfaj <--inarticulate keysmash ahoy

OW. OW OW OW, y'all. Just... OW. With a healthy dose of "Oh, god." Also "oh, Tony."

And now I realize I should probably get the rest of these, but I'm not sure I can handle this much frakking pain.

Because OW. I realize that Tony is the Poster Child for Manpain, but DAMN.

Dear God, I hope they never make movies out of these. Because I will have to go, and crying in public is embarrassing.

First three paragraphs...

Are now the first... *counts* seven paragraphs. They are better paragraphs. I am showing rather than telling. Not!Harry's sarcasm circuits are firing somewhat, even in the midst of panic attacks while people are hitting him. And rather than spending 375 words describing what's happening to him, I'm up around 650, poor fellow.

This is a vast improvement. Go, me.

I also need to fix the Bad Guy's death scene so it's less boring and more evocative. I have a thing I want to stick at the end which shouldn't take more than a sentence.

And I've cracked 92,000 words. Go, me.

First three paragraphs...

Are now the first... *counts* seven paragraphs. They are better paragraphs. I am showing rather than telling. Not!Harry's sarcasm circuits are firing somewhat, even in the midst of panic attacks while people are hitting him. And rather than spending 375 words describing what's happening to him, I'm up around 650, poor fellow.

This is a vast improvement. Go, me.

I also need to fix the Bad Guy's death scene so it's less boring and more evocative. I have a thing I want to stick at the end which shouldn't take more than a sentence.

And I've cracked 92,000 words. Go, me.