Back to the grindstone.
Feb. 25th, 2009 10:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agilebritThis scene...
I've been informed by a reader that the sentence "His eyes were blue pits of exhausted despair" is...purple. Okay, fair enough. To each their own, different strokes, and all that. I rather like the sentence, and I'm keeping it.
In a manner of speaking.
Because that sentence, to my way of thinking, doesn't quite describe not!Harry's state of mind well enough. WHY are his eyes blue pits of exhausted despair? So, I was pondering last night, and I came up with this permutation of the sentence instead:
His eyes were blue pits of grief-stricken exhaustion.
Still purple? Eh, maybe. But it's a better sentence because it tells us more with the simple substitution of one word. I don't wax poetic that often, and, let's face it, tastes vary. A sentence one reader might think is purple, another reader will think is evocative. That sentence hits my "evocative" button pretty hard.
Aw, not!Harry.
I've been informed by a reader that the sentence "His eyes were blue pits of exhausted despair" is...purple. Okay, fair enough. To each their own, different strokes, and all that. I rather like the sentence, and I'm keeping it.
In a manner of speaking.
Because that sentence, to my way of thinking, doesn't quite describe not!Harry's state of mind well enough. WHY are his eyes blue pits of exhausted despair? So, I was pondering last night, and I came up with this permutation of the sentence instead:
His eyes were blue pits of grief-stricken exhaustion.
Still purple? Eh, maybe. But it's a better sentence because it tells us more with the simple substitution of one word. I don't wax poetic that often, and, let's face it, tastes vary. A sentence one reader might think is purple, another reader will think is evocative. That sentence hits my "evocative" button pretty hard.
Aw, not!Harry.
