Oh, god...

"It ain't about you anymore, Jarrett." She put her hand over her face. "And it ain't really been since Ben got took the first time."

This, as I've said before, is a problem. Possibly one that's insurmountable.

We open on Ben. The story is, ultimately, All About Him. And then he spends the next five thousand words...unconscious.

This is bad. And...not fixable, not really. It makes me look like I was flailing around trying to figure out who the story was about. Which, I was, because it was supposed to be about Alex, not Ben, but I don't want my readers actually knowing that.

*headdesks repeatedly*

Oh, god...

"It ain't about you anymore, Jarrett." She put her hand over her face. "And it ain't really been since Ben got took the first time."

This, as I've said before, is a problem. Possibly one that's insurmountable.

We open on Ben. The story is, ultimately, All About Him. And then he spends the next five thousand words...unconscious.

This is bad. And...not fixable, not really. It makes me look like I was flailing around trying to figure out who the story was about. Which, I was, because it was supposed to be about Alex, not Ben, but I don't want my readers actually knowing that.

*headdesks repeatedly*

Well, now.

I've gotten some feedback for the not!kkbb/im novelthing. Some of it is making me question my entire story-telling technique. Someone hand me a paper bag to breathe into?

On the other hand, I just realized that I've got a three-hour window between one scene and another scene, and I can insert a scene there in which we are introduced to the doctor--and in which not!Harry can wake up, if only briefly. I can give not!Harmony a POV scene and establish their relationship and the utter wreckage of his psyche. Also the shower can take place sooner as well, rather than being shoehorned where it didn't belong and where it still feels somewhat awkward to me. I can also establish why not!Tony went home instead of to the hospital after he got shot in the lung. And I can introduce the wonders of the nanotech that not!Tony's company is at the forefront of developing, and the effects and side-effects

A scene like that also has the advantage of adding a good thousand words to my count--and it's not padding, it's necessary info, so, WIN. Speaking of the wordcount, it's gone up over 87K now (no, I have no idea where those extra words came from), and I should probably update my userinfo page to reflect that. Heh.

Well, now.

I've gotten some feedback for the not!kkbb/im novelthing. Some of it is making me question my entire story-telling technique. Someone hand me a paper bag to breathe into?

On the other hand, I just realized that I've got a three-hour window between one scene and another scene, and I can insert a scene there in which we are introduced to the doctor--and in which not!Harry can wake up, if only briefly. I can give not!Harmony a POV scene and establish their relationship and the utter wreckage of his psyche. Also the shower can take place sooner as well, rather than being shoehorned where it didn't belong and where it still feels somewhat awkward to me. I can also establish why not!Tony went home instead of to the hospital after he got shot in the lung. And I can introduce the wonders of the nanotech that not!Tony's company is at the forefront of developing, and the effects and side-effects

A scene like that also has the advantage of adding a good thousand words to my count--and it's not padding, it's necessary info, so, WIN. Speaking of the wordcount, it's gone up over 87K now (no, I have no idea where those extra words came from), and I should probably update my userinfo page to reflect that. Heh.

Clearly, I should go to bed...

When I'm reading headlines and think I see:

Thousands blacked out as ice cream wreaks havoc

...rather than an ice storm.

Either that, or I've been obsessing too much over my battle with the scale.

Clearly, I should go to bed...

When I'm reading headlines and think I see:

Thousands blacked out as ice cream wreaks havoc

...rather than an ice storm.

Either that, or I've been obsessing too much over my battle with the scale.