Oh, god...

Jan. 27th, 2009 12:55 pm
agilebrit: (Tony Stark--Anteaters)
[personal profile] agilebrit
"It ain't about you anymore, Jarrett." She put her hand over her face. "And it ain't really been since Ben got took the first time."

This, as I've said before, is a problem. Possibly one that's insurmountable.

We open on Ben. The story is, ultimately, All About Him. And then he spends the next five thousand words...unconscious.

This is bad. And...not fixable, not really. It makes me look like I was flailing around trying to figure out who the story was about. Which, I was, because it was supposed to be about Alex, not Ben, but I don't want my readers actually knowing that.

*headdesks repeatedly*

Date: 2009-01-27 08:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gates-end.livejournal.com
*hands you a bottle of aspirin*

*hugs*

Date: 2009-01-28 05:39 am (UTC)
highlander_ii: Chris Pine kneeling on the floor holding a camera to his face (Default)
From: [personal profile] highlander_ii
oooh - possible fix for that...

interspersed in the opening scenes... toss in Ben flashbacks? or Ben having nightmares while unconscious? or - just additional scenes about Ben - either of his 'incarceration' or time prior to that - anything that establishes some 'Ben' character.

Possibilities?

Date: 2009-01-28 05:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] agilebrit.livejournal.com
Right now, I'm going to add a scene within that three-hour window between the time Alex passes out in the back of the limo and Megan gets the call. Seeing as Janni doesn't get a POV scene until 17,000 words in, which doesn't seem right, this'll solve that problem too.

This writing stuff is hard, man...

Date: 2009-01-28 04:37 pm (UTC)
highlander_ii: Chris Pine kneeling on the floor holding a camera to his face (Default)
From: [personal profile] highlander_ii
If it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be any FUN! *g*

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