Oh, my.

[agilebrit]

It's like every slash badfic cliche rolled into one steaming mass of crap! Un-spellchecked, check. Angel, Spike, and Gunn, massively out of character? Check. Crappy punctuation, check. Words not capitalized that should be? Check. Run-on sentences, check. Lame dialogue, check. Run-on sentences in lame dialogue? Check.

Angel and Spike with snuggles and teddy bears? Check. Lame plot device to get the Spangely love interests together? Check.

Why do I care, you ask? What makes this any worse than 90% of the rest of the badfic that FFN gets inundated with every day?

Funny, that.

Because it's the same person who told me to "gain some talent."

What's even funnier is that the last line of the fic is this:
WHAT DO YOU THINK SHOULD I KEEP WRITING OR NO?

NO!

And the funny just keeps on coming, because she posted it nine days ago...and has no reviews. Not a single one.

I love the smell of sweet justice in the afternoon...

ETA: I wasn't kidding about the teddy bears. There's a literal teddy bear in the fic. Which Angelus(!) gave to Spike, once upon a time before the whole soul thing happened. No lie.

Comments

[appomattoxco.livejournal.com]

hee!

[fierynotes.livejournal.com]

"After the war had ended Los Angeles's key firm wolfram & Hart was destroyed and so the senior partners let them move to New York to clear the evil from there,now everyone was back, New York's Wolfram & Hart had the abilitiy to bring everyone back and even keep Illyria when Fred was returned, weirdly enough they still look a lot alike, and everything was back to how it was when they were first setting up in Angels hotel, except new faces came around and evil status is going down, soon New York will just be human stupidity and demons will be gone. Spike and Angel are still at throat everday but maybe they will learn to get along. evil grin yes get along hehehehehhehehehe okay on with the story oh by the way it's exactly like L.A. branch same look."

Holy run-on sentences, Batman!

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

And the lack of logic, she burns. Why would W&H allow Angel & Co. to take over the New York office? Why would they want to "clear evil" from New York? Have the Senior Partners had a change of heart? Are they, I don't know, not MAD or anything anymore that Angel took down the Black Thorn?

This girl couldn't write her way out of a paper bag with a sharp pencil...

[whirligigged.livejournal.com]

Hee. I was wondering what brought you to that fic in the first place, and then I found out it was The Reviewer. I had to read it again. "Suckiest suck suck sucking" -- Yes, she is just like Simon Cowell, except with a vocabulary that consists of one word.

Some sort of "If it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger" attitude made me attempt to get through the whole fic, but when I hit: We have taken your precious William, we injected him with mangaooizide a powerful infecti--

-- Mangaooizide? Some sort of compound consisting of ooze mixed with Japanese manga, by the sound of it. This was so painfully hilarious that I just couldn't take another word.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Also, Simon is actually funny. This one is just pathetic.

And when I read mangaooizide, I'm just glad I didn't have a mouthful of anything, because I'm afraid it would have met my laptop screen in a rather violent manner.

And, dude, if I'd gotten a note as illiterate as that, I wouldn't have bothered taking whatever widget it was they wanted with me to get Spike back. Chances are Angel could beat them unconscious with a style manual and just take Spike and the antidote.

[nodrogg.livejournal.com]

This sounds like a personally unpleasant thirteen-year-old, probably with a whole biker-bar's worth of tattoos and so many 'piercings' she can't pass a metal detector. Charming, isn't she?

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Oh, very. Her bio is a pathetic cry for attention:

have the lowest self cofidence and have been diagnosed with depression and shit i don't care i'm gonna die who cares how i feel when it happens i am vegitarian and am very opinionated

i speak my mind cursed mind always gets me in trouble i don't get intimidated easily for some reason and i try and start fights so i can get hurt so i still know i feel i do NOT cut but i am a masoschist i hit myself but i never leave marks

i am always thinking of suicide and am very honest i don't care people think of em but it hurts when people start talking about my family i care deeply about my family but i also feel that they don't give a flying fuck about me so i kinda ignore them and stay in my room as much as possible

i possibly have multiple personalities and i am always reading

Yes, because MPD is the new little black dress. It goes with everything. *eyeroll*

I wonder if she was trying to start a fight with me? Because, dude, all I'm doing is pointing and laughing...

Which probably makes me a big meanie, but, eh. She started it.

[nodrogg.livejournal.com]

This girl needs a boyfriend who will take her over his knee and spank the everlasting aspirations out of her, and make her behave like a civilized human being instead of an over-televised savage. Yeah, it's a cry for attention: I'd bet "my baby's daddy," the passing stranger who fathered her, is nowhere to be found. Behold the result.

Problem is, I can't imagine why any potential in loco parentis boyfriend would even bother.

[bojojoti.livejournal.com]

So many kids grow up with no guidance, no direction, and no love. It isn't any wonder that they are confused, angry, and striking out at innocent bystanders.

With all the billions of people on the face of the Earth, some kids still grow up not being anyone's special baby.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

She's probably spoiled rotten with material things. Parents today don't seem to realize that kids need attention as well as "stuff." So, she's used to being ignored, and hides up in her room with her computer and television and stereo and stuffed animals...writing bad slashfic.

I still haven't figured out why she singled me out for her vitriol. If it's because I broke up her OTP (which isn't canon anyway)...what in the summary made her think it was going to be slash? And why did she keep reading when the pairing (what there was of it) was made clear about a quarter of the way into the story?

I just...don't get it. And stuff that I don't get frustrates me. *sigh*

[catvampcrazines.livejournal.com]

Oh, ew. That's so bad. lol. Horrid and so hypocritical of her.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

It makes me wonder if she saw that my fic had proper spelling, grammar, and formatting--and her head exploded...

[kathleendoris.livejournal.com]

so if you don't get reviews, does that mean your story was really bad?

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Well, I hope not, because my Spike&Gunn fic is sitting there on FFN with NO love whatsoever. But considering the number of Spangel shippers out there that will slobber over any old fic with that pairing, it's really surprising that the thing is sitting there with (now) just one review.

[mommanerd.livejournal.com]

That is really, really horrible. Deeply and massively horrible.

Oh my.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Oh, my heck, I love your icon! Rhett Butler is LOVE.

But, yes, it really makes me wonder what they're teaching them in school these days, and strengthens my resolve to homeschool.

[dragonflymuse.livejournal.com]

Ha ha.

I left a review. Didn't have the heart to flame her/him/it, but I wasn't reserved in mentioning what needed to be worked on.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Someone gave her a review that answered the question she had at the bottom of the fic in the negative, and she added this to her summary:

flames suck XD oh well flame if you must i will not object but i will not take unecessary cruelty okay all my reviews are kind

Why, yes, because telling someone they suck multiple times and that their story has a "stench" to it is ever so kind...

I am very tempted to call her on that, but I'm more in a mood to point and laugh than to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. Maybe when I have PMS I'll be more pissy about it, but at this point I'm just massively amused.