So, I should have been writing yesterday...

And I did. Doubled my wordcount goal, which puts me back on the horse, go me.

But I also watched the latest "True Blood" ep. And then, of course, I went to the lovely and effulgent marishna's site for screencaps, and made some more Sam wallpaper. Because that's what I do these days. Also, *points* icon.

Yes, I'm still on a Polaroid kick, sue me.



( 1024x600 image under the cut. )

So, I should have been writing yesterday...

And I did. Doubled my wordcount goal, which puts me back on the horse, go me.

But I also watched the latest "True Blood" ep. And then, of course, I went to the lovely and effulgent marishna's site for screencaps, and made some more Sam wallpaper. Because that's what I do these days. Also, *points* icon.

Yes, I'm still on a Polaroid kick, sue me.



( 1024x600 image under the cut. )

Heh.

I just realized something...

Ben doesn't speak in complete sentences when he's really stressed out.

Or, at least, I noticed it in this scene. And now I'm going to go through and gleefully incorporate it everywhere.

Erm. Except now it feels like he's channeling Rorschach. Crap.

Because I needed something else to distract me from what I actually need to write in this thing, which are Janni's, Alex & Megan's, and Ostheim's scenes.

And the endgame can start making itself felt, just, anytime now.

Heh.

I just realized something...

Ben doesn't speak in complete sentences when he's really stressed out.

Or, at least, I noticed it in this scene. And now I'm going to go through and gleefully incorporate it everywhere.

Erm. Except now it feels like he's channeling Rorschach. Crap.

Because I needed something else to distract me from what I actually need to write in this thing, which are Janni's, Alex & Megan's, and Ostheim's scenes.

And the endgame can start making itself felt, just, anytime now.

So, you know, when the writing's not going that well...

I make wallpaper.



( 1024x600 image under the cut, go on click it, because DAMN. )

In writing news, I've just about decided that I haven't actually broken Ben enough. Okay, yes, horrible trauma, all his buttons getting pushed, yadda yadda.

HOWEVER.

He does have someone there with him who is trying to assiduously avoid him falling apart on her completely.

AND.

This stuff? Old hat to him. He knows when he's having a panic attack; he can deal with flashbacks. He's done this before, second verse same as the first. It's a setback, yes. But not a brand-new one.

SO.

The incident where he gets put back on the table for good and almost dies (again) doesn't involve him breaking (as Ange has already stated). It involves him taking his life back, in a final and violent burst of blood and wrath. But he's never out of control of himself during the incident--he does what he feels like he needs to do, and then it's over...he doesn't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it. Hell, he's probably saner at that moment than he's been in the entire couple of weeks leading up to it, because he's thought this entire time that he's been hallucinating.

THEREFORE.

If "breaking Ben" is really the interesting part to me (and it isn't, as I'm beginning to harbor a horrible suspicion, gratuitous H/C, with more H than C because I'm a sadistic bitch)...then I need to figure out exactly what would actually break him. I took him to that point in the last one, and he ended up in the scrub with an automatic rifle under his chin and his finger on the trigger. He didn't pull it, but it was a near thing.

Bind him up in his own guilt over ... something--some awful mistake that he makes. Someone may have to die this time. And no, I won't kill Janni off to make room for Ange. Nor will I kill Ange off to make it easier on Janni. Alex and Megan are off the table too, because I have plans for them. Amorphous, blobby plans, but plans--I definitely need to have another adventure with my adrenaline-junkie, alcohol-abusing, eccentric billionaire and his lovely werewolf wife.

Huh. Who'd have thunk, with all this...that it's not enough?

So, you know, when the writing's not going that well...

I make wallpaper.



( 1024x600 image under the cut, go on click it, because DAMN. )

In writing news, I've just about decided that I haven't actually broken Ben enough. Okay, yes, horrible trauma, all his buttons getting pushed, yadda yadda.

HOWEVER.

He does have someone there with him who is trying to assiduously avoid him falling apart on her completely.

AND.

This stuff? Old hat to him. He knows when he's having a panic attack; he can deal with flashbacks. He's done this before, second verse same as the first. It's a setback, yes. But not a brand-new one.

SO.

The incident where he gets put back on the table for good and almost dies (again) doesn't involve him breaking (as Ange has already stated). It involves him taking his life back, in a final and violent burst of blood and wrath. But he's never out of control of himself during the incident--he does what he feels like he needs to do, and then it's over...he doesn't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it. Hell, he's probably saner at that moment than he's been in the entire couple of weeks leading up to it, because he's thought this entire time that he's been hallucinating.

THEREFORE.

If "breaking Ben" is really the interesting part to me (and it isn't, as I'm beginning to harbor a horrible suspicion, gratuitous H/C, with more H than C because I'm a sadistic bitch)...then I need to figure out exactly what would actually break him. I took him to that point in the last one, and he ended up in the scrub with an automatic rifle under his chin and his finger on the trigger. He didn't pull it, but it was a near thing.

Bind him up in his own guilt over ... something--some awful mistake that he makes. Someone may have to die this time. And no, I won't kill Janni off to make room for Ange. Nor will I kill Ange off to make it easier on Janni. Alex and Megan are off the table too, because I have plans for them. Amorphous, blobby plans, but plans--I definitely need to have another adventure with my adrenaline-junkie, alcohol-abusing, eccentric billionaire and his lovely werewolf wife.

Huh. Who'd have thunk, with all this...that it's not enough?