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agilebritStill smacking the query letter around. Or being smacked around by it. Hard to tell.
And my penchant for not only mixing metaphors, but beating them into the ground until they sob in abject submission, is rearing its head again.
This thing started out as a chess metaphor. Ben = pawn in a lethal chess match, yadda yadda.
But now, he's taken control and changed the game to poker. Instead of getting pushed around the board, he's dealing the cards and putting his chips on the table. Except they're not chips he's actually willing to lose.
And I like the idea of him taking control and changing the game. This is a fine and shiny thing. I'm just...not sure that that sort of meta belongs in a query letter. And it's too wordy anyway.
The problem with the original final 'graph is that it looks like he's still getting pushed around instead of pushing back. If my protag is that wimpy, then who cares about him? So, the original fails too.
And again I say: ARGH.
And my penchant for not only mixing metaphors, but beating them into the ground until they sob in abject submission, is rearing its head again.
This thing started out as a chess metaphor. Ben = pawn in a lethal chess match, yadda yadda.
But now, he's taken control and changed the game to poker. Instead of getting pushed around the board, he's dealing the cards and putting his chips on the table. Except they're not chips he's actually willing to lose.
And I like the idea of him taking control and changing the game. This is a fine and shiny thing. I'm just...not sure that that sort of meta belongs in a query letter. And it's too wordy anyway.
The problem with the original final 'graph is that it looks like he's still getting pushed around instead of pushing back. If my protag is that wimpy, then who cares about him? So, the original fails too.
And again I say: ARGH.
