On Self-Defense and Victim-Blaming
Jun. 18th, 2014 01:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Okay, look.
We live in a world where Bad People do Bad Things and frankly don't give a shit who they hurt.
Should we teach our boys that Rape Is Bad? Of course. And we do. I don't know a single man who thinks it's okay to coerce a woman into having sex, and every one of the men of my acquaintance thinks that rapists are the scum of the earth. Hell, even other criminals hate rapists.
We should also teach them that robbing banks is bad, and setting houses and woods on fire is bad, and killing people is bad. Newsflash: We. Already. Do. This. If we are not doing this, we are falling down on the job as parents and a society.
Another newsflash: Sometimes our kids don't listen to us. We can teach them all the right things, and they still make their own terrible choices. It happens. Free Will is a Thing.
So. Knowing that we live in this kind of world, what's better? To tell potential victims to "Lie back and think of England"? Or to tell them "Shoot him in the face"? Telling them "hey, self-defense is something you should learn" is not "victim blaming." It is common fucking sense. It is taking back the night. I thought we wanted this, but somehow, somewhere, saying "learn self-defense, because this is smart" suddenly turned into "we should just wish rape away because that is super effective."
Seriously, what's a better deterrent? Having a finger shaken in your face and being told that what you're doing is bad and you should feel bad, or having a gun shaken in your face and being told that, along with a solid kick to the nuts or knee, an elbow to the jaw, and a punch to the throat?
I realize that not everyone is willing or able to obtain a concealed-carry permit, or is able to take self-defense classes. I am an old(ish), small-boned woman with a herniated disk in my back. The wrong move, on the wrong day, puts me on the ground, writhing in agony. But the thing is, the bare fact that there are people who are willing and able to put it on the line makes everyone else safer. A potential rapist shouldn't know if the victim he's scoping out is the sort who will hurt him--and that should at least make him a bit uneasy. I for one like the idea of uneasy rapists. And uneasy criminals, period.
Shouldn't we all?
Criminy, the fact that this is somehow controversial makes me weep for my country.
We live in a world where Bad People do Bad Things and frankly don't give a shit who they hurt.
Should we teach our boys that Rape Is Bad? Of course. And we do. I don't know a single man who thinks it's okay to coerce a woman into having sex, and every one of the men of my acquaintance thinks that rapists are the scum of the earth. Hell, even other criminals hate rapists.
We should also teach them that robbing banks is bad, and setting houses and woods on fire is bad, and killing people is bad. Newsflash: We. Already. Do. This. If we are not doing this, we are falling down on the job as parents and a society.
Another newsflash: Sometimes our kids don't listen to us. We can teach them all the right things, and they still make their own terrible choices. It happens. Free Will is a Thing.
So. Knowing that we live in this kind of world, what's better? To tell potential victims to "Lie back and think of England"? Or to tell them "Shoot him in the face"? Telling them "hey, self-defense is something you should learn" is not "victim blaming." It is common fucking sense. It is taking back the night. I thought we wanted this, but somehow, somewhere, saying "learn self-defense, because this is smart" suddenly turned into "we should just wish rape away because that is super effective."
Seriously, what's a better deterrent? Having a finger shaken in your face and being told that what you're doing is bad and you should feel bad, or having a gun shaken in your face and being told that, along with a solid kick to the nuts or knee, an elbow to the jaw, and a punch to the throat?
I realize that not everyone is willing or able to obtain a concealed-carry permit, or is able to take self-defense classes. I am an old(ish), small-boned woman with a herniated disk in my back. The wrong move, on the wrong day, puts me on the ground, writhing in agony. But the thing is, the bare fact that there are people who are willing and able to put it on the line makes everyone else safer. A potential rapist shouldn't know if the victim he's scoping out is the sort who will hurt him--and that should at least make him a bit uneasy. I for one like the idea of uneasy rapists. And uneasy criminals, period.
Shouldn't we all?
Criminy, the fact that this is somehow controversial makes me weep for my country.
no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 05:21 am (UTC)It's not just about telling men it's not okay to rape, either. It's about making them understand that no one will try to cover up for them if they do. No one will "understand" that "that's just the way guys are" and "she should have known better than to etc. etc." No one will blame anyone but him for his own actions. No one will excuse him.
If you think the above isn't a problem in our society, just for one small look at a place that should definitely know better, Google Boz Tchavidjian, grandson of Billy Graham. He's created a ministry called GRACE--Godly Response to Abuse in a Church Environment. What he has to say about how too many churches and Christian organizations treat rape and abuse victims will break your heart. And that just one segment of the population. It's not even about how secular colleges cover up sex abuse and rape, especially when popular athletes are involved. It's not even about how high schools cover it up when reputations are at stake.
In too many ways, in too many places, men are told that rape is normal. That if a woman is vulnerable, it's only to be expected that she'll get raped. That it's freaking natural. And if that can be changed, I want to change it.
no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 05:37 am (UTC)I would also love to not live in a culture where we suddenly decided that taking one weapon out of the arsenal by calling something victim-blaming when it isn't was peachy-keen.
I realize that self-defense is not the answer to all rape, any more than a fire extinguisher is an answer to all fires. But it is certainly an answer to some rape, and I keep a fire extinguisher in my kitchen.