On Self-Defense and Victim-Blaming
Jun. 18th, 2014 01:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agilebritOkay, look.
We live in a world where Bad People do Bad Things and frankly don't give a shit who they hurt.
Should we teach our boys that Rape Is Bad? Of course. And we do. I don't know a single man who thinks it's okay to coerce a woman into having sex, and every one of the men of my acquaintance thinks that rapists are the scum of the earth. Hell, even other criminals hate rapists.
We should also teach them that robbing banks is bad, and setting houses and woods on fire is bad, and killing people is bad. Newsflash: We. Already. Do. This. If we are not doing this, we are falling down on the job as parents and a society.
Another newsflash: Sometimes our kids don't listen to us. We can teach them all the right things, and they still make their own terrible choices. It happens. Free Will is a Thing.
So. Knowing that we live in this kind of world, what's better? To tell potential victims to "Lie back and think of England"? Or to tell them "Shoot him in the face"? Telling them "hey, self-defense is something you should learn" is not "victim blaming." It is common fucking sense. It is taking back the night. I thought we wanted this, but somehow, somewhere, saying "learn self-defense, because this is smart" suddenly turned into "we should just wish rape away because that is super effective."
Seriously, what's a better deterrent? Having a finger shaken in your face and being told that what you're doing is bad and you should feel bad, or having a gun shaken in your face and being told that, along with a solid kick to the nuts or knee, an elbow to the jaw, and a punch to the throat?
I realize that not everyone is willing or able to obtain a concealed-carry permit, or is able to take self-defense classes. I am an old(ish), small-boned woman with a herniated disk in my back. The wrong move, on the wrong day, puts me on the ground, writhing in agony. But the thing is, the bare fact that there are people who are willing and able to put it on the line makes everyone else safer. A potential rapist shouldn't know if the victim he's scoping out is the sort who will hurt him--and that should at least make him a bit uneasy. I for one like the idea of uneasy rapists. And uneasy criminals, period.
Shouldn't we all?
Criminy, the fact that this is somehow controversial makes me weep for my country.
We live in a world where Bad People do Bad Things and frankly don't give a shit who they hurt.
Should we teach our boys that Rape Is Bad? Of course. And we do. I don't know a single man who thinks it's okay to coerce a woman into having sex, and every one of the men of my acquaintance thinks that rapists are the scum of the earth. Hell, even other criminals hate rapists.
We should also teach them that robbing banks is bad, and setting houses and woods on fire is bad, and killing people is bad. Newsflash: We. Already. Do. This. If we are not doing this, we are falling down on the job as parents and a society.
Another newsflash: Sometimes our kids don't listen to us. We can teach them all the right things, and they still make their own terrible choices. It happens. Free Will is a Thing.
So. Knowing that we live in this kind of world, what's better? To tell potential victims to "Lie back and think of England"? Or to tell them "Shoot him in the face"? Telling them "hey, self-defense is something you should learn" is not "victim blaming." It is common fucking sense. It is taking back the night. I thought we wanted this, but somehow, somewhere, saying "learn self-defense, because this is smart" suddenly turned into "we should just wish rape away because that is super effective."
Seriously, what's a better deterrent? Having a finger shaken in your face and being told that what you're doing is bad and you should feel bad, or having a gun shaken in your face and being told that, along with a solid kick to the nuts or knee, an elbow to the jaw, and a punch to the throat?
I realize that not everyone is willing or able to obtain a concealed-carry permit, or is able to take self-defense classes. I am an old(ish), small-boned woman with a herniated disk in my back. The wrong move, on the wrong day, puts me on the ground, writhing in agony. But the thing is, the bare fact that there are people who are willing and able to put it on the line makes everyone else safer. A potential rapist shouldn't know if the victim he's scoping out is the sort who will hurt him--and that should at least make him a bit uneasy. I for one like the idea of uneasy rapists. And uneasy criminals, period.
Shouldn't we all?
Criminy, the fact that this is somehow controversial makes me weep for my country.
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no subject
Date: 2014-06-18 10:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-18 11:06 pm (UTC)I think part of the problem is that the two "sides" in this (why the hell are there sides? We should all be on the same damn side!) are talking past each other. One side says "This is a way (not the only way, mind you, but a way) to deal with rapists" and the other side screams at them that "There shouldn't be rapists in the first place and you're victim-blaming if you give women the tools to defend themselves!"
Which is, once again, the Perpetually, Professionally Offended looking for reasons to be perpetually, professionally offended, and so they find them. And look like insane harpies in the process. I mean, I'm looking at some of those tweets and going "Dude, seriously?"