On Self-Defense and Victim-Blaming

[agilebrit]

Okay, look.

We live in a world where Bad People do Bad Things and frankly don't give a shit who they hurt.

Should we teach our boys that Rape Is Bad? Of course. And we do. I don't know a single man who thinks it's okay to coerce a woman into having sex, and every one of the men of my acquaintance thinks that rapists are the scum of the earth. Hell, even other criminals hate rapists.

We should also teach them that robbing banks is bad, and setting houses and woods on fire is bad, and killing people is bad. Newsflash: We. Already. Do. This. If we are not doing this, we are falling down on the job as parents and a society.

Another newsflash: Sometimes our kids don't listen to us. We can teach them all the right things, and they still make their own terrible choices. It happens. Free Will is a Thing.

So. Knowing that we live in this kind of world, what's better? To tell potential victims to "Lie back and think of England"? Or to tell them "Shoot him in the face"? Telling them "hey, self-defense is something you should learn" is not "victim blaming." It is common fucking sense. It is taking back the night. I thought we wanted this, but somehow, somewhere, saying "learn self-defense, because this is smart" suddenly turned into "we should just wish rape away because that is super effective."

Seriously, what's a better deterrent? Having a finger shaken in your face and being told that what you're doing is bad and you should feel bad, or having a gun shaken in your face and being told that, along with a solid kick to the nuts or knee, an elbow to the jaw, and a punch to the throat?

I realize that not everyone is willing or able to obtain a concealed-carry permit, or is able to take self-defense classes. I am an old(ish), small-boned woman with a herniated disk in my back. The wrong move, on the wrong day, puts me on the ground, writhing in agony. But the thing is, the bare fact that there are people who are willing and able to put it on the line makes everyone else safer. A potential rapist shouldn't know if the victim he's scoping out is the sort who will hurt him--and that should at least make him a bit uneasy. I for one like the idea of uneasy rapists. And uneasy criminals, period.

Shouldn't we all?

Criminy, the fact that this is somehow controversial makes me weep for my country.

Comments

[jimhines.livejournal.com]

I have nothing against self-defense. I get tired of it being the only option pushed by a large, vocal crowd in every conversation about rape. I get tired of people saying, "She should just shoot him/kick him in the balls" as if this would work for the majority of victims or rapes. I get tired of having all of the other work being done dismissed as "wishful thinking."

Maybe you need to look more closely at the conversation, particularly at the conversation that involves people actively studying and working against rape.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Please tell me what would be effective in a "majority" of cases then. I would think a knee to the balls would cool the jets of a date rapist or a marital rapist right quick, myself. But then, I lack that equipment and don't have firsthand knowledge.

And, you know, I get that people freeze in bad situations, or that they may be unwilling to hurt another person, and that it's not "just" a matter of doing anything. And that is not the victim's fault either.

But to turn "learn self-defense" into "you're blaming the victim if you say that" makes me crazy.

[jimhines.livejournal.com]

If I had a simple, one-size-fits-all solution, you think I wouldn't be out shouting it from the rooftops?

Self-defense can help someone avoid getting raped in some circumstances, sure. Education can prevent some people from committing rape. Bystander intervention can help to prevent some rapes. Fixing our legal system could help to reduce rape.

I don't think there is one simple solution. I think this requires a lot of work on a lot of levels. Which is why it's so frustrating to me when so much of that work gets mocked and blown off by folks who are only willing to look at the simplistic "Just put a bullet in their brains" thing.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

And, okay, we're already working on all that.

What set me off was people actively attempting to knock an actual effective pin out from under the issue. A rapist (in general) wants an easy victim. By telling women that "if someone tells you to learn self-defense they are blaming the victim and you shouldn't have to do that," we are making it easier on rapists. Because then women think "oh, I shouldn't have to do that." And so they don't.

And that's stupid.

Because, you're right, honey, no, you shouldn't have to do that. Any more than a bank should have to put a dye pack in their bags. But you should do it anyway, because being more helpless in a situation like that is bad.

[kensieg.livejournal.com]

The world is what it is, not what it should be