*bangs head on keyboard*

[agilebrit]

I really should stop hanging around Yahoo!Answers for awhile. Kids on my lawn are driving me crazy.

Exhibit A:
LITERARY AGENTS NEEDED!?
I need a literary agent badly! They need to be interested in new teenage authors. Also interested in short story collections, that are... A bit twisted.

Don't we all need a literary agent, honey. And that's not a question, and therefore I didn't use a question mark. Go out and find one, because they're not going to knock on your door. Short story collection? Yeah, I've got eighteen stories sitting on my hard drive that would love to be in a collection. Collections for unknown authors don't happen. Get off your hiney and start subbing to publications. Be prepared for rejection. Lots of it.

Exhibit B:
Where can i get paid to write short stories?
I'm looking for information or links to journals, magazines, publishers seeking short stories. I will write anything including erotic stories for pay!

Yeah, hey, if you can find that Magical Journal that was actually seeking short stories the way you mean it, point me that way. That ain't how publishing works. Write the story and then start sending it out. Those guys aren't going to knock on your door either.

Exhibit C:
Why do I suck at writing stories?
I am great at poetry and essays (I'm not being conceited; I'm just stating the facts. lolz) and I am also great with coming up with story ideas (not in my opinion, but according to other people.). But, when it comes to actually trying to write a story, I always get frustrated at myself and give up! I keep comparing my writing to authors I love, which I know I shouldn't do. I should find my own writing style and not try to imitate others, but I can't help it!

Do you think that novels spring, fully-formed and complete, from the foreheads of writers? NO. Months and sometimes years of blood, sweat, tears, booze, swearing, and revision after revision after revision after revision. Sure, what you buy in the bookstore, penned by your favorite author, is going to be brilliant--they didn't just whack out a first draft and send it in. Their first drafts suck too, believe me.

Good god.

Comments

[kantayra.livejournal.com]

I am forcing myself to point at them all and laugh, because the only other option is tears. Ah, n00bz...

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

It's funny how people who don't write view writing. They seem to think that it's this giant machine that just throws money at people, and that anyone can do it. I can't tell you how many times people have said "Oh, I always wanted to write a novel and just never got around to it." I raise an eyebrow and reply "Well, I always wanted to be a brain surgeon and never got around to it." Sure, there's some native talent involved (maybe), but if you don't hone that talent, then you'll suck at it. What do we say--"the first million words is practice."

They know that you can't become a master flutist or painter without years of hard work and practice, but somehow writing is different from that in their brains. It's weird.

[expectare.livejournal.com]

Collections for unknown authors don't happen.

Maybe not for you, agilebrit! Obviously your stories aren't...dramatic ellipsis...twisted enough.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

BUT THEY ARE. I have a story wherein a plush bunny smothers a five-year-old child to death because she doesn't have enough love in her heart to make him Real. I have another in which a dog is eaten by a giant praying mantis in the first scene and an entire pod of killer whales dies in the last scene. Zombie fic, werewolf fic--a faerie show story in which one kind of faeries preys on the other kind!

Maybe mine are too twisted...

Yeah, that's it.

[malora.livejournal.com]

LOL. I need to start using the term "dramatic ellipsis."

[cheeseburger93.livejournal.com]

Hi, oh my god I couldn't agree more. "why do I suck at writing stories?" Stop moaning about it, and do something about it! Sounds to me like they were looking for a compliment or two there...nothing worse! If I doubt my writing I don't post a question about it to yahoo, I sit and look at my work and think right, how can I make this better?
Also, quite amusing "Get off your hiney and start subbing to publications." So true! Can't expect an opportunity to fall right into your lap, you need to work for it!
Haha little rant there, sorry! Oh, also, your stories could never be too twisted! :)

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Seriously. I post snippets because I want to share, not because I'm doubting my own writing. (That's what my concrit group is for.)

And, yeah, my stuff is twisted, but I own it. ;)

The poor child has never heard of Writer's Market?

[johncwright.livejournal.com]

"Where can i get paid to write short stories?"

[Where can you get paid to capitalize your sentences properly?]

Re: The poor child has never heard of Writer's Market?

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

I know, right? I guess it's good that she's actually asking somewhere, but I really wish I knew where people got their (very silly) notions of how writers get paid.

[malora.livejournal.com]

And then, when you answer, you get questions like, "Why are people so mean to teenage writers?"

It's not being mean, it's being realistic. Okay, maybe it's a little mean to crush someone's dreams. But when your dream consists of being rich and famous without doing any work--well, those dreams deserve to be crushed.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't tell them THIS stuff, this bluntly, on Y!A; I'm venting here. But I don't sugarcoat things either. Of course, this is the era of "we can't use red pens in the classroom for fear of hurting their fragile little feelings!" so, yeah.