I've been staring...

[agilebrit]

At those first three paragraphs. Again. And I've tweaked them. Again.

Because I realized that putting "They stopped" there at the beginning of the third 'graph? Is bad. They don't actually "stop," per se, and I don't want it to seem as though they do. So I took that out, because, BLEH, and added a little something else, and now that paragraph is so much better.

AGAIN.

This is both frustrating and exhilarating. Exhilarating, because I can see the thing improving exponentially every time I make a tiny little change. Frustrating, because, dude. It's the first three paragraphs. I started this thing in July. The first three paragraphs should already be perfect, dammit.

Also, I found out today that (as I suspected) it's actually Name, Rank, and Social Security Number these days, rather than Serial Number. So I tweaked that as well, which only required edits of two lines in the whole thing, because it only comes up twice--once in the aforementioned first three 'graphs, and once when not!Harmony catches not!Harry in the throes of (yet another) nightmare, poor guy.

Comments

[foxcutter.livejournal.com]

In my experience, then start of the story is pretty much the LAST thing that ends up perfect.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

It's...mostly there.

I think.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.