*beats story*
Jan. 16th, 2009 05:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agilebritWell. I got the silver allergy thing out of the way. Probably knocked a page or so out of it.
The end is still too damn long. Although the corporate stuff is more organic, since I set it up better.
The base-jumping thing needs to be there. The entire story, I've alluded to not!Tony's risky behavior. Running with bulls, kayaking accidents, cliff-diving while drunk...all behavior he's engaged in. Now, I'd like to edit the cliff-diving thing so we actually see him do it, rather than have him limp into camp reeking of scotch afterwards (because this still smacks of telling rather than showing), and I have a way of doing it that would probably be even funnier than what it is now (if you find the idea of this guy base-jumping while intoxicated amusing). So that's fixable--although it might lengthen the end, which is the exact opposite of what I want to do.
And the last scene needs to be from not!Harry's POV. We opened on him (getting the crap beat out of him), so we should close on him (where he's got some modicum of happiness). And since it's All About Him anyway...yeah.
The problem is that I'm not sure I have a way to shorten this scene without shortchanging it.
FRAK.
I'm almost ready to just pass it on to y'all and say "have at it."
The end is still too damn long. Although the corporate stuff is more organic, since I set it up better.
The base-jumping thing needs to be there. The entire story, I've alluded to not!Tony's risky behavior. Running with bulls, kayaking accidents, cliff-diving while drunk...all behavior he's engaged in. Now, I'd like to edit the cliff-diving thing so we actually see him do it, rather than have him limp into camp reeking of scotch afterwards (because this still smacks of telling rather than showing), and I have a way of doing it that would probably be even funnier than what it is now (if you find the idea of this guy base-jumping while intoxicated amusing). So that's fixable--although it might lengthen the end, which is the exact opposite of what I want to do.
And the last scene needs to be from not!Harry's POV. We opened on him (getting the crap beat out of him), so we should close on him (where he's got some modicum of happiness). And since it's All About Him anyway...yeah.
The problem is that I'm not sure I have a way to shorten this scene without shortchanging it.
FRAK.
I'm almost ready to just pass it on to y'all and say "have at it."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-01-17 04:15 am (UTC)Then leave it the length it is. Or send it to your betas and have them look at it.
If the story works, a little extra length won't hurt unless it's too long for a professional sale. e.g. Newspaper columns are 750 words long.