And now comes the hard part...

[agilebrit]

As the crit comes in, of incorporating changes. I've had two people tell me it's too short. *headdesks* I also need to dial back on his injuries, apparently. Probably a lot. I wonder how long a person would live with a rib through a lung...

And I need to ramp hers up. Which gets me into the problem of the part where they break her by showing her something awful that he's (allegedly) done, and if they hurt her too badly, why would she believe them? I guess that gets into the territory of a mental break vs a physical one.

Argh.

Comments

[bigsciencybrain.livejournal.com]

On the subject of the villains...they're all brute force with Alex and all psychological with Megan, which contributes to feeling that your villains have multiple personalities. You probably should just pick either brute force or psychological and stick with it. If he's already injured from the crash, they don't necessarily have to injure him further just for the hell of it. They could torture him psychologically by taking her in the other room and doing who knows what. She could be screaming at rats or something but he wouldn't know that. And poking a rib broken by a plane is just as effective as poking a rib you broke yourself.

*ponders*

[lady-moriel.livejournal.com]

I dunno, I didn't think he had too many injuries...it did seem to me that not enough was done to her, but then it's true that she might not believe them if they hurt her much. I suppose you might emphasize that--a growing suspicion in her that they only kidnapped and hurt him because he'd done bad things, or whatever.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Well, after doing some actual, you know, research, I've discovered that broken ribs = BAD. There's a thing called a "flail chest"... I may have them "cracked" rather than "broken." And I've figured out how to fix the "lie" problem. *evil laughter*

[crayonbreakygal.livejournal.com]

I dunno if it's too short. We just love it so much though, it would be nice to see a little more. But if that's the story, then that's the story.

I totally would go with the psychological thing with Megan. Sure, I think that they could do some damage to Alex, but I'd like to see more with Megan and why she believed that Alex was a bad guy.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, I figured out last night how I'm going to do that. *evil laughter* Going to have to follow her out of the room for it, however. But I can totally do it. In all three versions. *headdesks*