*snarl*

And now I'm to the point where the rubber meets the road. There's not a whole lot more I can do to Ben on the Prison Island, so I've now moved to the part where he's actually Home and Safe.

The problem is, I'm not sure what to do with him at this point.

His New Reality was the Awful Place and his relationship with Angeline. He was there for two and a half months, give or take, getting every single one of his buttons pushed, sometimes multiple times a day. He got deconstructed far enough that he was violating his own morals. Daily panic attacks and nightly nightmares were the order of the day--this, after he'd gotten both under some semblance of control. He's had the severest of severe setbacks.

How does he come back from that?

Does he come back from that?

Because not only is this a horrible setback, it's wrapped up in his own guilt about violating his own morals. He might not even think he deserves to come back from that.

And if he doesn't deserve to come back from it, where does that leave him? Janni is perfectly willing to catch him as he falls, but what if he actively avoids her arms and crashes to the ground without a parachute? Ben in a mental institution is not where I wanted to end up with this.

The whole series has been Romance, rather than Tragedy. I don't want this one to go in a Tragic direction. At the same time, I've learned over the years that fighting the Muse on stuff like this is useless and makes what comes out of the keyboard suck.

*repeats mantra* That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

And that goes for Ben too. If he can survive this, he can come out on the other side...well. Not necessarily "whole." But less broken than he was here.

And then, of course, there's the question of What Do I Do With a Problem Like Angeline? Killing her off (even if she gets a death that's all heroic and shit) seems like a massive copout.

Oh, god.

agilebrit is far too invested in this character, y/y?

*snarl*

And now I'm to the point where the rubber meets the road. There's not a whole lot more I can do to Ben on the Prison Island, so I've now moved to the part where he's actually Home and Safe.

The problem is, I'm not sure what to do with him at this point.

His New Reality was the Awful Place and his relationship with Angeline. He was there for two and a half months, give or take, getting every single one of his buttons pushed, sometimes multiple times a day. He got deconstructed far enough that he was violating his own morals. Daily panic attacks and nightly nightmares were the order of the day--this, after he'd gotten both under some semblance of control. He's had the severest of severe setbacks.

How does he come back from that?

Does he come back from that?

Because not only is this a horrible setback, it's wrapped up in his own guilt about violating his own morals. He might not even think he deserves to come back from that.

And if he doesn't deserve to come back from it, where does that leave him? Janni is perfectly willing to catch him as he falls, but what if he actively avoids her arms and crashes to the ground without a parachute? Ben in a mental institution is not where I wanted to end up with this.

The whole series has been Romance, rather than Tragedy. I don't want this one to go in a Tragic direction. At the same time, I've learned over the years that fighting the Muse on stuff like this is useless and makes what comes out of the keyboard suck.

*repeats mantra* That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

And that goes for Ben too. If he can survive this, he can come out on the other side...well. Not necessarily "whole." But less broken than he was here.

And then, of course, there's the question of What Do I Do With a Problem Like Angeline? Killing her off (even if she gets a death that's all heroic and shit) seems like a massive copout.

Oh, god.

agilebrit is far too invested in this character, y/y?

BOOKS.

I have been remiss. The lovely and effulgent ellen_datlow sent me a copy of "A Whisper of Blood" awhile back, and I promised to read it and blog about it. It's a short story collection about vampires, which I would normally be all over, because, well, this is me.

And I started it. And then I got distracted. And then I read a few more and got distracted again. It's a huge book. At this rate I'm not going to finish it until the Avengers Assemble in 2012.

Don't get me wrong--the stories in this book are all really really good. I think my problem with it is that they're all pretty dark, and there's only so much of that I can take before I need to recover from it and pick up something that doesn't make my skin crawl (in a good way!). Small doses.

So. If you like your vampire lit dark and squicky, this collection is for you. It's got an eclectic collection of authors with some quite interesting takes on the vampire mythos, and how it's not always (or even often) about blood. There's some classic tales in there as well as some new ones. And, it being a short story collection, there's bound to be something to tickle your fancy if you like vampire lit.

BOOKS.

I have been remiss. The lovely and effulgent ellen_datlow sent me a copy of "A Whisper of Blood" awhile back, and I promised to read it and blog about it. It's a short story collection about vampires, which I would normally be all over, because, well, this is me.

And I started it. And then I got distracted. And then I read a few more and got distracted again. It's a huge book. At this rate I'm not going to finish it until the Avengers Assemble in 2012.

Don't get me wrong--the stories in this book are all really really good. I think my problem with it is that they're all pretty dark, and there's only so much of that I can take before I need to recover from it and pick up something that doesn't make my skin crawl (in a good way!). Small doses.

So. If you like your vampire lit dark and squicky, this collection is for you. It's got an eclectic collection of authors with some quite interesting takes on the vampire mythos, and how it's not always (or even often) about blood. There's some classic tales in there as well as some new ones. And, it being a short story collection, there's bound to be something to tickle your fancy if you like vampire lit.