So. This thing.

[agilebrit]

Both my protags are pretty screwed up. This is a given. Ben has trust issues. Ange has control issues (which I think I need to seed throughout, because I so have not made that clear in this, at all--other than an indication that she'd rather top, I'm not sure I've even articulated it).

The question is, what happens when these two issues clash?

He's at the point where he's admitted (to himself) that he (maybe, possibly) loves her (his Stockholm Syndrome, let him show you it, and yes, he's self-aware enough to know exactly what's the what there). She's gone to the mat for him, again and again, and she protects him as much as she can from the bad stuff that would be happening under other circumstances (say, if West had gotten him instead of her). She's earned his trust.

But. How far does it extend? How much would he freak if she actually held him down to bite him? Would it make a difference if he was on his back with his arms held above his head, or if he was on his stomach with his wrists pinned in the small of his back? I think it would.

Thing is, there's the issue of surrender--letting go. Ben keeps such a tight rein on himself that it must be exhausting. I don't think she'd take control if he didn't want to give it, but the idea might be very seductive to him on an emotional level. Now, whether his lizard brain would actually allow that or not, or if it'd just throw him into a panic attack without any input from the higher functions, is a question for the ages, and I'm not sure I know enough to write something like this competently.

Would it be easier or harder for him to surrender if he was on his back or his stomach? Would it be something they'd need to build up to? Not that they have time--she gets hit with a horrific experience to herself (for once, it's not him!) and her control issues rear up on their hind legs and say OH HAI INDULGE US NAOW PLZ. And her only outlet for that...is Ben.

And he's willing, God love him. But the subconscious is a funny old thing, and it doesn't always let us do what we want to do. The last thing she wants is to hurt him (more), and throwing him into a panic attack wouldn't be good for her either. Not that I want to do that to either of them, because there's enough pain and suffering here already, dammit, and this is supposed to be the "comfort" part of the cycle.

I'm just not sure that psychology allows it--or, at least, the inner workings of this character as I've set it up.

And this entry went on way longer than I intended it to (because, really, it's not that big a scene, although I guess it's an important one in the Great Scheme of Things, psychologically speaking, for both of them), and I think I'll save my angst about the ending for another day. Also, I will stop abusing the parenthesis.