*beats novelthing*
Mar. 11th, 2009 12:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agilebritGORRAMIT.
Opening scene still sucks.
Send booze.
It's missing something, but I'm damned if I can see what it is or how to fix it. I think it's almost too clinical; I'm not putting the fear and the pain across in the first couple of 'graphs well enough. He's having a panic attack, but we're not having it along with him. They're breaking his face...but we're not feeling it. The last two are golden (oh, god, are they ever, poor not!Harry), but the ones before that are just sort of sitting there on the page. Lumpishly.
See, this is where my crippled state of "emotionally stunted" comes in. I know I need to ramp this up even more than I already have (because, trust me, it sucked EVEN WORSE before I tore into it last time). At the same time, I don't want to wallow in it. This scene is supposed to throw you face-first into the action while telling you something about not!Harry and the people we're up against here. It's already nearly three pages, properly formatted.
AUGH.
I've printed it out, and I'm going to go at it the old-fashioned way, eyeballs on paper. I gave it to my Writing Buddy last week; hopefully he'll have something for me tonight.
In other news, I've blown through most of my play money this pay period, and I don't have enough for comics and coffee. This should not cause the whininess that it is, but while I'm whining, I'm going to whine about that too. Also, I gained a full pound yesterday due to cappuchino chocolate chip muffins. And "Lost" tonight is a rerun. This day sucks.
Opening scene still sucks.
Send booze.
It's missing something, but I'm damned if I can see what it is or how to fix it. I think it's almost too clinical; I'm not putting the fear and the pain across in the first couple of 'graphs well enough. He's having a panic attack, but we're not having it along with him. They're breaking his face...but we're not feeling it. The last two are golden (oh, god, are they ever, poor not!Harry), but the ones before that are just sort of sitting there on the page. Lumpishly.
See, this is where my crippled state of "emotionally stunted" comes in. I know I need to ramp this up even more than I already have (because, trust me, it sucked EVEN WORSE before I tore into it last time). At the same time, I don't want to wallow in it. This scene is supposed to throw you face-first into the action while telling you something about not!Harry and the people we're up against here. It's already nearly three pages, properly formatted.
AUGH.
I've printed it out, and I'm going to go at it the old-fashioned way, eyeballs on paper. I gave it to my Writing Buddy last week; hopefully he'll have something for me tonight.
In other news, I've blown through most of my play money this pay period, and I don't have enough for comics and coffee. This should not cause the whininess that it is, but while I'm whining, I'm going to whine about that too. Also, I gained a full pound yesterday due to cappuchino chocolate chip muffins. And "Lost" tonight is a rerun. This day sucks.
