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agilebritI just realized, looking this thing over for the umpteenth time, that in the first eighteen pages (thirty-six or so if this was standard MS format, which it so isn't right now because I hates writing in it, I does), I only have two scenes from not!Harry's POV.
In his first one (the very first scene), he's getting the shit beat out of him by the bad guys. And he passes out. Understandably, because he's just, you know, gotten the shit beat out of him.
In his next scene, eighteen pages later, he's shooting the bad guys dead. On autopilot. And he gets shot in the chest. And...passes out again. Understandably, because he's just been, you know, shot in the chest.
In between there, he gets a little computer work done, snarks at not!Tony that he can't imagine working for him, and is puzzled by a reference to lupus and bats in one of the memos he uncovers. These scenes are from other characters' viewpoints.
There's nothing in there about how very screwed up he is, or about how he's broken and not!Harmony is there to pick up his pieces when he falls apart, or about how he's been getting better.
So. In a story that's All About not!Harry...it needs to be more All About not!Harry.
*facepalms*
In his first one (the very first scene), he's getting the shit beat out of him by the bad guys. And he passes out. Understandably, because he's just, you know, gotten the shit beat out of him.
In his next scene, eighteen pages later, he's shooting the bad guys dead. On autopilot. And he gets shot in the chest. And...passes out again. Understandably, because he's just been, you know, shot in the chest.
In between there, he gets a little computer work done, snarks at not!Tony that he can't imagine working for him, and is puzzled by a reference to lupus and bats in one of the memos he uncovers. These scenes are from other characters' viewpoints.
There's nothing in there about how very screwed up he is, or about how he's broken and not!Harmony is there to pick up his pieces when he falls apart, or about how he's been getting better.
So. In a story that's All About not!Harry...it needs to be more All About not!Harry.
*facepalms*
