Warning: Movie rantage ahead.
Aug. 19th, 2005 10:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agilebritFor once in my life, I wish to God I'd listened to the movie reviewers. And you know what? I'm not going to put this behind a cut, because everyone should be warned about the stinking pile of absolute crap that is "The Dukes of Hazzard."
Yeah, yeah. I was warned myownself. But we thought "Cars crashing and stuff blowing up. How bad can it be?" Plus it was at the drive-in with "Batman Begins," which we knew was good. So, we went last night.
Oh, it's bad. "Manos, Hands of Fate" bad. It's like the producers got a bunch of over-testosteroned 14-year-old boys together in a room, told them the basic concept of the show, and told them to write fanfiction about it. And then they took that fanfiction, added even more sleaze and profanity, and made a movie out of it.
We have Bo and Luke Duke as foul-mouthed, stupid "man-whores." Yes, that's a quote from the movie. We have Uncle Jesse as a foul-mouthed, pot-smoking moonshiner who spews bad, sick jokes. We have Daisy as simple eye candy, not a cute, smart member of the team. We have a lame attempt at an environmental message that "strip mining is bad." We have a Sheriff Roscoe as an evil pawn of Boss Hogg...who isn't a short, fat, ugly little man--which was sort of the point.
Where are the Southern Gentlemen that I remember? Bo and Luke weren't dumb hicks having sex with every pretty girl they ran into. They were smart guys fighting a corrupt local government, who treated women with respect and didn't try to get into every female pair of pants they could. Uncle Jesse would NEVER have used language like this. He especially would not have taken the Lord's name in vain. Not to mention the fact that they made a huge deal out of him giving up the moonshining to get the boys out of jail. Canon? We apparently don't need no steenking canon. And the reason they used explosive bows and arrows wasn't only because it was a neato plot device to blow yet more stuff up (which, okay, yeah, it was), but because, as felons, they weren't allowed to use firearms. There was a reason. For heck's sake, if I remember correctly, Luke fought in Viet Nam, maybe even in Special Forces or something. You can't be the idiot they were painted as in this movie and survive something like that.
The Sheriff Roscoe I remember had a mushy heart under that dumb, corrupt exterior. He wouldn't have expressed glee at confiscating the Duke farm, which has been in the family forever. He would have done it reluctantly, without a smile on his face. Boss Hogg was corrupt too, but he wasn't evil. And he was never as smart as he thought he was.
Pot-smoking? Bo, Luke, and Uncle Jesse smoking marijuana??? No way. Not them, not ever. The Uncle Jesse I know would have taken a shotgun to anyone who even suggested such a thing, and Bo and Luke would have been similarly outraged. Did the people who made this movie even watch the show? Holy crap.
And oh my heck, the language. Foul, foul, foul. Wish I'd brought cotton for Da Boy's ears. Seriously, it was bad. And worse than being bad, it was jarring and out of character. Struth, I don't mind bad language if it's in character and the situation warrants it. It was completely unnecessary in this movie and detracted even more from something that was horrid to begin with.
Most dumb movies, you can sit there and laugh at the stupidity on the screen. MSTing is a time-honored sport, and we were at the drive-in, so we could have been mercilessly ripping into this, this thing...if we hadn't been so stunned at the rape of our childhood and the horrible OOCness of the characters we'd loved all those years ago.
The reason "The Dukes of Hazzard" was popular and had the amazingly successful run it had on television was because of the basic decency of the characters. You might be able to get a few episodes out of crashing cars and blowing things up, but if your characters are like the characters in this movie, it won't be sustained because no one will want to watch. Lord help me, when I'm defending Sheriff Roscoe, something is seriously skewed with the world. And when the outtakes are more entertaining than the movie...Ugh.
I just read the review of my local guy. He must have been on crack to write a review like this, or at least smoking the same substance as the Duke boys and Uncle Jesse were smoking. I'm betting he never watched the show.
So, excuse me while I go bleach my brain and then go out and buy the first season of the TV show. It's the least I can do as penance.
Yeah, yeah. I was warned myownself. But we thought "Cars crashing and stuff blowing up. How bad can it be?" Plus it was at the drive-in with "Batman Begins," which we knew was good. So, we went last night.
Oh, it's bad. "Manos, Hands of Fate" bad. It's like the producers got a bunch of over-testosteroned 14-year-old boys together in a room, told them the basic concept of the show, and told them to write fanfiction about it. And then they took that fanfiction, added even more sleaze and profanity, and made a movie out of it.
We have Bo and Luke Duke as foul-mouthed, stupid "man-whores." Yes, that's a quote from the movie. We have Uncle Jesse as a foul-mouthed, pot-smoking moonshiner who spews bad, sick jokes. We have Daisy as simple eye candy, not a cute, smart member of the team. We have a lame attempt at an environmental message that "strip mining is bad." We have a Sheriff Roscoe as an evil pawn of Boss Hogg...who isn't a short, fat, ugly little man--which was sort of the point.
Where are the Southern Gentlemen that I remember? Bo and Luke weren't dumb hicks having sex with every pretty girl they ran into. They were smart guys fighting a corrupt local government, who treated women with respect and didn't try to get into every female pair of pants they could. Uncle Jesse would NEVER have used language like this. He especially would not have taken the Lord's name in vain. Not to mention the fact that they made a huge deal out of him giving up the moonshining to get the boys out of jail. Canon? We apparently don't need no steenking canon. And the reason they used explosive bows and arrows wasn't only because it was a neato plot device to blow yet more stuff up (which, okay, yeah, it was), but because, as felons, they weren't allowed to use firearms. There was a reason. For heck's sake, if I remember correctly, Luke fought in Viet Nam, maybe even in Special Forces or something. You can't be the idiot they were painted as in this movie and survive something like that.
The Sheriff Roscoe I remember had a mushy heart under that dumb, corrupt exterior. He wouldn't have expressed glee at confiscating the Duke farm, which has been in the family forever. He would have done it reluctantly, without a smile on his face. Boss Hogg was corrupt too, but he wasn't evil. And he was never as smart as he thought he was.
Pot-smoking? Bo, Luke, and Uncle Jesse smoking marijuana??? No way. Not them, not ever. The Uncle Jesse I know would have taken a shotgun to anyone who even suggested such a thing, and Bo and Luke would have been similarly outraged. Did the people who made this movie even watch the show? Holy crap.
And oh my heck, the language. Foul, foul, foul. Wish I'd brought cotton for Da Boy's ears. Seriously, it was bad. And worse than being bad, it was jarring and out of character. Struth, I don't mind bad language if it's in character and the situation warrants it. It was completely unnecessary in this movie and detracted even more from something that was horrid to begin with.
Most dumb movies, you can sit there and laugh at the stupidity on the screen. MSTing is a time-honored sport, and we were at the drive-in, so we could have been mercilessly ripping into this, this thing...if we hadn't been so stunned at the rape of our childhood and the horrible OOCness of the characters we'd loved all those years ago.
The reason "The Dukes of Hazzard" was popular and had the amazingly successful run it had on television was because of the basic decency of the characters. You might be able to get a few episodes out of crashing cars and blowing things up, but if your characters are like the characters in this movie, it won't be sustained because no one will want to watch. Lord help me, when I'm defending Sheriff Roscoe, something is seriously skewed with the world. And when the outtakes are more entertaining than the movie...Ugh.
I just read the review of my local guy. He must have been on crack to write a review like this, or at least smoking the same substance as the Duke boys and Uncle Jesse were smoking. I'm betting he never watched the show.
So, excuse me while I go bleach my brain and then go out and buy the first season of the TV show. It's the least I can do as penance.
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-19 06:10 pm (UTC)Hollywood is so completely out of touch with ordinary America, it's like a different nation -- one that rules us like an occupying engine of socially corrosive propaganda. Were its power somehow broken, the United States would be vastly better off.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-19 06:22 pm (UTC)Argh.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-19 08:13 pm (UTC)I'm very sorry about the brutal rape of one of your childhood memories, however. :( I'm imagining someone making a movie with Arthur, Buster, and Francine as swearing potheads and I think I may cry.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-19 08:50 pm (UTC)When even the dog is out of character, you know there's a problem...