*reminder to self*
Feb. 25th, 2008 10:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agilebritSHOW, DON'T TELL.
This is why I have the Hubby run through my stuff. He always gives me good advice, and he's given me fodder for the termite scene.
The termite scene, for those of you keeping score at home, has the same problem as the opening scene used to. In my (former) opening scene, she comes home to find her dog eaten by a praying mantis, but that's pretty much it. There was no emotion there, no gut-punch. Obviously, I've edited that scene now, and you (should) feel her grief right along with her.
And now I need to do the same thing with the termite scene. Instead of a bare-bones telling of her waking up to find her house being eaten by what are essentially big white cockroaches (dude, the Wikipedia termite article is so cool! Seriously, I had no idea), and the half-humorous anger at her insurance agent, I'm going to show what it feels like to wake up with mushy floorboards and sagging walls. *evil laughter* I've also added a line about how she and her husband helped build the house together, piling more angst onto her. Because that's how I roll.
This is why I have the Hubby run through my stuff. He always gives me good advice, and he's given me fodder for the termite scene.
The termite scene, for those of you keeping score at home, has the same problem as the opening scene used to. In my (former) opening scene, she comes home to find her dog eaten by a praying mantis, but that's pretty much it. There was no emotion there, no gut-punch. Obviously, I've edited that scene now, and you (should) feel her grief right along with her.
And now I need to do the same thing with the termite scene. Instead of a bare-bones telling of her waking up to find her house being eaten by what are essentially big white cockroaches (dude, the Wikipedia termite article is so cool! Seriously, I had no idea), and the half-humorous anger at her insurance agent, I'm going to show what it feels like to wake up with mushy floorboards and sagging walls. *evil laughter* I've also added a line about how she and her husband helped build the house together, piling more angst onto her. Because that's how I roll.
