Get your sporks ready...
Feb. 18th, 2005 10:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
agilebritI haven't had the urge to snerk at a badfic in quite some time, but I just couldn't resist this time. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...
In Heaven's Eyes, by Luke-Perry's-angel. The summary reads thus:
An old friend walks back into Spike's life and causes him to remember things that shouldn't be remembered.
We open on Spike and Angel fighting a Chaos Demon in an alley. It throws Angel into a dumpster, and then
Just when Spike was about to start another round with the demon someone came behind the demon and snapped his neck.
Demons are usually "it" in the Buffyverse, so did someone just snap Spike's neck? Bummer.
Angel so delirious thought Spike had killed the demon and said "good job".
Angel's delirious from getting thrown into a dumpster? Heh. And I guess it was the Chaos Demon who got "his" neck snapped. Enter Mary Sue, uh, I mean, Helena, or Heaven, or whatever her name is.
They looked to see a beautiful stranger standing there staring at the both of me. She had long spiraling curly hair that glittered in the moonlight. She was wearing a long beautiful white dress with a sheer covering that gently laid over it. She was surely one of the most beautiful people either had ever seen.
Yeah, okay, we get it. She's beautiful. "Staring at the both of me"? Did you get hit with that rod that separated Xander into his component parts in "The Replacement"? Since when are YOU in this fic anyway?
"A friend of yours I assume." the stranger said.
Why, why, why has it become a convention that a period goes inside quote marks like that? It's not correct, it's never been correct, and it never will be correct, in America, anyway. Argh.
"My friend more like your friend since your evil." Spike shouted out in a insulted voice.
Punctuation is your friend. Then we get this little gem:
This is Helena a demon who job is to ruin hearts and one of my special favorite can burn their heart out their body."
Spike spatted out.
"Im not a demon anymore I do good. Oh and by the way I go by Heaven." Heaven said starting to get very annoyed with situation.
"Oh and im Justin Timberlake." Spike said
"Hello Justin look very different on the TV you know that."
Spike spatted out? Snerk. Missing punctuation, missing words, bizarre sentence structure... This fic has it all! Or, not, in this case, since the words and punctuation are, you know, missing.
The two began to get in a huge fight and Angel soon stepped in between the two. To whined up getting punched in the noise. Angel now furious grabbed the two and threw the two to the ground.
Yeah, I'd whine if I got punched in the nose too. Angel, however, doesn't strike me as being the type to do that.
As they walked in to Wolfram and Hart the usually fighting and arguing just stopped and everyone was at this complete calm. Angel stunned and very annoyed yelled at everyone to get back to work and then called for Fred to get to his office. Fred in complete panic ran in to the office afraid some evil had come about.
There's usually fighting and arguing at W&H? Since when would the Senior Partners put up with that kind of chaos at their place of business? And yeah, Fred's the panicking type. Only, not.
"We need to find out what this girl is and if she is good or bad. Angel said trying to rush things along.
"There is no need to I already know what she is, She an Angel.that why every one is at complete calm when they are around her because they are such peaceful creatures."
"What that's not fair I go through all these levels to get a soul and may never get it and she is one the most things I have ever came across not mention she died evil and gets a free soul how in the does that work." Spike said astonished and disgusted.
More missing punctuation and missing words. Beta readers are also our friends...as is proofreading, which should have caught most of the errors in this story. So, what I get from this is that "Heaven" is an angel--but her calming effect doesn't work on either Spike or herself. Interesting. And Spike's mad because he had to go through the demon trials to get his soul (and may never get it? WTH? Is she watching the same show I am?), but this "Heaven" person got hers for free. Whatever.
"Well if you would let me finish I would tell you. So where was I before Mr. Chat a Lot interrupted me Oh, yes angels, She would have had to die in great and sorrowful death in order to even be considered it very that it happens." Fred said in a scientific voice.
What's a "scientific voice"? Is there a particular tone that science-types use when they're being pedantic? And how does Fred know this anyway? Wouldn't Wes be a better choice for an Exposition Fairy here, since it seems more mystical than scientific?
"You really are a heartless wanker aren't" Heaven said complete disgust. "I will tell you the whole story. I was working one night trying to find someone weak male that I could manipulate when a easy target came in and guess what it was Spike. Well I went over to prey on him and then I found out he was a vampire and some chick named Du broke his heart. So one hour turned in to a day a day turned in to a year and soon I was in love, which I didn't even know could happen to me, but it did. Well night I was eating and Spike I guess was looking for me when he found me with a guy and took it personal which it totally wasn't and killed me."
Hey, a mini-troll! "Du"! That's a new one, I think. All yours,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
honorh. And last time I checked, Spike wasn't the type to just kill a girl because she was having dinner with some other bloke. But then, everyone's out of character in this fic, so why should Spike get a pass?
When Heaven was done people just stared a Spike in disbelief.
"Oh come on she totally twisting this to make it sound terrible I wasn't totally in the wrong here." Spike said defending himself.
No one cared and just waked out the door with Heaven inviting Heaven to the team but little did Spike now of all that was to come from her being there.
"People" stared at Spike in disbelief? Seems like Fred's the only "people" in the room, since Angel's a vampire and would believe anything of Spike anyway. And now they've "waked" out the door...you mean we were all asleep? This is just a bad dream and we'll wake up and it'll all be okay again? *sigh* Guess not, since Heaven's just invited herself onto the team.
Sporkity spork spork spork.
At least she knows where her spell check is...
Cross-posted to GAFF, because I'm just mean that way.
In Heaven's Eyes, by Luke-Perry's-angel. The summary reads thus:
An old friend walks back into Spike's life and causes him to remember things that shouldn't be remembered.
We open on Spike and Angel fighting a Chaos Demon in an alley. It throws Angel into a dumpster, and then
Just when Spike was about to start another round with the demon someone came behind the demon and snapped his neck.
Demons are usually "it" in the Buffyverse, so did someone just snap Spike's neck? Bummer.
Angel so delirious thought Spike had killed the demon and said "good job".
Angel's delirious from getting thrown into a dumpster? Heh. And I guess it was the Chaos Demon who got "his" neck snapped. Enter Mary Sue, uh, I mean, Helena, or Heaven, or whatever her name is.
They looked to see a beautiful stranger standing there staring at the both of me. She had long spiraling curly hair that glittered in the moonlight. She was wearing a long beautiful white dress with a sheer covering that gently laid over it. She was surely one of the most beautiful people either had ever seen.
Yeah, okay, we get it. She's beautiful. "Staring at the both of me"? Did you get hit with that rod that separated Xander into his component parts in "The Replacement"? Since when are YOU in this fic anyway?
"A friend of yours I assume." the stranger said.
Why, why, why has it become a convention that a period goes inside quote marks like that? It's not correct, it's never been correct, and it never will be correct, in America, anyway. Argh.
"My friend more like your friend since your evil." Spike shouted out in a insulted voice.
Punctuation is your friend. Then we get this little gem:
This is Helena a demon who job is to ruin hearts and one of my special favorite can burn their heart out their body."
Spike spatted out.
"Im not a demon anymore I do good. Oh and by the way I go by Heaven." Heaven said starting to get very annoyed with situation.
"Oh and im Justin Timberlake." Spike said
"Hello Justin look very different on the TV you know that."
Spike spatted out? Snerk. Missing punctuation, missing words, bizarre sentence structure... This fic has it all! Or, not, in this case, since the words and punctuation are, you know, missing.
The two began to get in a huge fight and Angel soon stepped in between the two. To whined up getting punched in the noise. Angel now furious grabbed the two and threw the two to the ground.
Yeah, I'd whine if I got punched in the nose too. Angel, however, doesn't strike me as being the type to do that.
As they walked in to Wolfram and Hart the usually fighting and arguing just stopped and everyone was at this complete calm. Angel stunned and very annoyed yelled at everyone to get back to work and then called for Fred to get to his office. Fred in complete panic ran in to the office afraid some evil had come about.
There's usually fighting and arguing at W&H? Since when would the Senior Partners put up with that kind of chaos at their place of business? And yeah, Fred's the panicking type. Only, not.
"We need to find out what this girl is and if she is good or bad. Angel said trying to rush things along.
"There is no need to I already know what she is, She an Angel.that why every one is at complete calm when they are around her because they are such peaceful creatures."
"What that's not fair I go through all these levels to get a soul and may never get it and she is one the most things I have ever came across not mention she died evil and gets a free soul how in the does that work." Spike said astonished and disgusted.
More missing punctuation and missing words. Beta readers are also our friends...as is proofreading, which should have caught most of the errors in this story. So, what I get from this is that "Heaven" is an angel--but her calming effect doesn't work on either Spike or herself. Interesting. And Spike's mad because he had to go through the demon trials to get his soul (and may never get it? WTH? Is she watching the same show I am?), but this "Heaven" person got hers for free. Whatever.
"Well if you would let me finish I would tell you. So where was I before Mr. Chat a Lot interrupted me Oh, yes angels, She would have had to die in great and sorrowful death in order to even be considered it very that it happens." Fred said in a scientific voice.
What's a "scientific voice"? Is there a particular tone that science-types use when they're being pedantic? And how does Fred know this anyway? Wouldn't Wes be a better choice for an Exposition Fairy here, since it seems more mystical than scientific?
"You really are a heartless wanker aren't" Heaven said complete disgust. "I will tell you the whole story. I was working one night trying to find someone weak male that I could manipulate when a easy target came in and guess what it was Spike. Well I went over to prey on him and then I found out he was a vampire and some chick named Du broke his heart. So one hour turned in to a day a day turned in to a year and soon I was in love, which I didn't even know could happen to me, but it did. Well night I was eating and Spike I guess was looking for me when he found me with a guy and took it personal which it totally wasn't and killed me."
Hey, a mini-troll! "Du"! That's a new one, I think. All yours,
honorh. And last time I checked, Spike wasn't the type to just kill a girl because she was having dinner with some other bloke. But then, everyone's out of character in this fic, so why should Spike get a pass?When Heaven was done people just stared a Spike in disbelief.
"Oh come on she totally twisting this to make it sound terrible I wasn't totally in the wrong here." Spike said defending himself.
No one cared and just waked out the door with Heaven inviting Heaven to the team but little did Spike now of all that was to come from her being there.
"People" stared at Spike in disbelief? Seems like Fred's the only "people" in the room, since Angel's a vampire and would believe anything of Spike anyway. And now they've "waked" out the door...you mean we were all asleep? This is just a bad dream and we'll wake up and it'll all be okay again? *sigh* Guess not, since Heaven's just invited herself onto the team.
Sporkity spork spork spork.
At least she knows where her spell check is...
Cross-posted to GAFF, because I'm just mean that way.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-02-19 05:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-19 05:49 am (UTC)GAH.
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Date: 2005-02-19 05:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-19 06:04 am (UTC)Of course, I might change my mind if I wound up with a stalker.
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Date: 2005-02-19 06:15 am (UTC)::washes brain out with bleach::
Better now.
Uhm. You should post that on
no subject
Date: 2005-02-19 06:26 am (UTC):but very snerkable:
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Date: 2005-02-19 11:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-19 01:18 pm (UTC)All I can really say to this is, "Wtf?!"
no subject
Date: 2005-02-19 03:01 pm (UTC)*shudder*
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Date: 2005-02-23 03:50 am (UTC)And, seriously, Heaven? Why? Why would you name your OC Heaven? You just know a girl with a name like that is going to be a Mary Sue.