*deep and heavy sigh*

It is very difficult to be motivated to write when you wake up to two rejections in your inbox, especially when one of those rejections is for one of your favorite stories. On the one hand, there's the "I'll show them!" mentality, which I've been striving to do for six years. On the other, it's very discouraging to bang your head against an unmoving brick wall.

And people wonder why I chose the insta-grat of RP for over a year. The business part of this business will suck out your soul and leave a husk if you're not careful.

(no subject)

And, so, in a fit of morbid curiosity, I did some math.

I have, at this moment in time, 94,700 words out on active submission right now, across 12 stories. I need to hunt a market for a further 1,000 words.

I've trunked 6,500 words across two stories.

I've posted 5,100 words here, in one story, as a freebie.

I've had 21,400 words actually published, with a further 7,100 words about to be.

I have a 97,000-word novel languishing on my hard drive because I can't bring myself to finish the damn synopsis and start that soul-sucking agent hunt again. I look at that, and look at the fact that I am in no way a natural novel writer, and wonder why an agent would want to take on a one-shot wonder.

I banged out 144,000 words in a sequel to that novel that went absolutely nowhere.

I have 9+ abandoned stories, plus another abandoned novel, also languishing on my hard drive. Some of those stories I loved too, especially that novel. God knows how many words are wrapped up in those things. I'm too depressed to look.

They say the first million words is practice. I guess I'm about a third of the way there.

I hate numbers.

*swears loudly, fervently, and at great length and breadth*

Write or Die is a fantastic tool and I use it a lot. I used it tonight, in fact, to scribble my Climactic Battle Scene.

And I completely forgot that one of my characters was there and was supposed to play a key role in it. This is what happens when you go two days tearing out your hair instead of sitting down and writing. You forget who your players are.

So now I have to go back and write his part in.

Awesome.

I'm revising my estimated wordcount up to 16,000.