Well. I've hacked at the climax yet again...

And it's better. The personal stakes for Ben are stated much more clearly, and they're higher than "you'll go to jail and break Janni's heart."

I'm still not sure it's "there," yet, but it's "closer," anyway.

And I still don't have a title. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Well. I've hacked at the climax yet again...

And it's better. The personal stakes for Ben are stated much more clearly, and they're higher than "you'll go to jail and break Janni's heart."

I'm still not sure it's "there," yet, but it's "closer," anyway.

And I still don't have a title. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

AHAHA.

THERE it is.

You know what I've said before, about us being more afraid of what a good-guy character pushed to the brink of his endurance will do, rather than being afraid of what bad, scary thing will happen to them?

Yeah. Those of you who've read the short story "The Warrior," by Jim Butcher, in the Mean Streets collection, you know what I'm talking about. That's the one where Michael Carpenter's daughter is kidnapped.

And this right here is what I think I've just accomplished. The previous version, I allowed Ben to be talked down way too easily. The new version is far, far better, and I think I'm finally happy with it.

Of course, it still needs a title...

AHAHA.

THERE it is.

You know what I've said before, about us being more afraid of what a good-guy character pushed to the brink of his endurance will do, rather than being afraid of what bad, scary thing will happen to them?

Yeah. Those of you who've read the short story "The Warrior," by Jim Butcher, in the Mean Streets collection, you know what I'm talking about. That's the one where Michael Carpenter's daughter is kidnapped.

And this right here is what I think I've just accomplished. The previous version, I allowed Ben to be talked down way too easily. The new version is far, far better, and I think I'm finally happy with it.

Of course, it still needs a title...