Have a real snippet, this week. I'm cutting it not for length, but subject matter.

( Ben is suicidal. Again. Please to be considering that a warning. )
Ben can't win, and neither can I. You know I love your comments...

Oh, no, my dialogue hasn't been influenced by The Joss, not at all.

Ben, trying assiduously to not be That Guy: "Then you tell me. Tell me outright this is a way of coping for you and that I'm not taking advantage like some kind of slimy...advantage-taker."

*headdesks repeatedly*

Also, I've had a very productive IM convo with the lovely and effulgent bigsciencybrain and I'm not at all sure I've got the writing chops to pull this off. That being said, The End of this isn't The End of Ben's story, because I'm already noodling the third one and there will be Repercussions, oh, yes, there will. Because you can't deconstruct a person as far as I've deconstructed him and have them be Whole at the end--or possibly, ever again.

( Long snippet is long & mentions sex. )

You know I love your comments.

picked up from amonitrate: Post a paragraph from every WIP you can find. No explanations allowed, just the excerpt.

Okay, in no particular order...

1. The power drain had killed this one. That was almost to Gabriel's advantage. No one would question finding a dead old man in his office, who looked like he'd succumbed to natural causes. The comatose ones, those were the problem.

2. "This is so going in my report." Baxter annihilated the last dust bunny and backed out, sneezing. "You can be replaced, you know. It's one thing for a couple of dust mice to get by you. But all of them?"

3. Something sandpapery scraped my arm. I opened my eyes and choked on a scream.

4. Mandy frowned at her on-again, off-again boyfriend. Russ didn't like his crew fraternizing, especially when part of that crew was his daughter--but she was a grown-up and made her own choices. "His mom the dragon princess is not going to be happy with that kind of language," she said. "Seriously, Charlie, what are you teaching him?"

5. "Erm. You don't really believe she's a god, do you? Because that'd weird me out, man."

6. "Enough with the 'it.' I'm a 'he,' thanks very much, and it would suit me fine if you remembered that." The voice sounded like a chipmunk would if it inhaled helium and spoke English. "Now, let me go. I have work to do."

7. "A stranger from halfway across the world," Olwyn scoffed. She deepened her drawl just to annoy her mother, whom she knew looked down her nose at the local accent. "What, none of the local dragons were good enough for Daddy?"

8. "At least the neighbors will be quiet," the realtor said, gesturing over the fence to the overgrown old cemetery fifty feet from the back door.

9. "He's one wolf, and not a very big one at that. He'll not be any trouble."

So, I did the DVD Commentary Meme (still open for playing, if anyone wants to), and ravens_gate requested a DVD commentary of a DVD extra, namely, the scene in which Ben and Janni meet again for the first time five years after they graduate from high school and go their separate ways. She goes off to college and majors in Theater and English, and he toddles off to a couple of tours in Afghanistan, where he is captured by insurgents and torture ensues. And... go.


This came about because of my innate inability to just let things go.  The original scene was about three paragraphs long, and entailed Janni describing for Megan her first meeting with Ben after he came back from Afghanistan.  I decided that was too much telling and not enough showing, and went into flashback mode instead, which turned into more like 1700 words.  And that was a fine and shiny thing--except for my aforementioned inability to let things go.  I love writing the same scene from two different points of view (see: both Iron Man stories I've written), and this one has the added bonus of being in first person, which POV I also love writing in and don't do nearly enough of.

( The rest of it is under here. )

More of my Deathless Prose!

Is anyone still reading these? Anyway, this takes place after the results of this--which you can probably guess weren't too good for Ben, although he finally got a bit of his own back after weeks of torment. "Helpless" is relative, I guess. Fear the man who has nothing left to lose.

And, go:

It would never be a good evening again. Angeline stood there, bereft, shoulders slumped. Perez found her a few minutes later and steered her towards a table. He pressed a drink into her hand. "You knew this day was coming."

"Aye." She looked at him over the rim of her glass.

"You were supposed to tell me when he was this close to breaking," Perez said, his tone slightly accusatory.

"I would have, had I thought he was." And she realized... "Saints preserve us."

"What?"

"He didn't break," she said slowly.

"He killed two people and maimed a third before we stopped him--"

"Don't be ridiculous; nobody stopped him. He attacked vampires who had it coming, stopped himself, and would have suicided had the bouncers not arrived." When had her hands started shaking? "I'd venture to say that he was farther from breaking just now than he has been since I won my wager. He was in complete control for this."

"If that's what control looks like from where you're sitting, maybe we should have a psych evaluation done on you." Perez frowned. "And if he was still under control, then you fell down on the job, big time."

She shook her head and actually smiled. "I am under no delusions that I ever 'controlled' him." The smile turned sad. "Quite the other way 'round, probably."

You know I love it when you comment.

The lovely and effulgent amonitrate has written an Iron Man/Dollhouse crossover that you must GO READ RIGHT NOW.

Boy, howdy, I missed the Every Shade of Wrong this fandom brings to the table sometimes. HOLY SHIT. And I say that with the greatest admiration.

In other news, my time in the Word War Room was productive today and I managed to bang out about 1200 words, so, yay. Not finished the scene yet, but very close. I do suck so very much at the Comfort part of Hurt/Comfort.

Darling du jour:

"But this isn't about me and my latest non compos mentis episode."

Oh, Ben.

For the lovely and effulgent difrancis. If you like urban fantasy, go forth and buy "Bitter Night," the first two chapters of which I've read online and they're faboo. FYI, apparently Borders made a corporate decision not to buy the book, so... if you're in the mood to beat down their doors and have a (polite!) word with management about it, that would be awesome.

So, anyway, in honor of that, she's hosting a Snippet Day on her LJ. Mine is here, if anyone is still reading the things. It's part of the (actual) climax.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled whining about writing.

And the fact that I don't actually have the last version of the novelthing here with me (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET IT BACK), all I'm going to do for the Weekly Word Count this week is post what I did in the new doc that I've been religiously saving to my thumb drive:

And the number is...

2085

*tilts head, squints* Not bad.

And, you know what? While I'm here, have the snippet, which I picked out for you last night. Language warning? We're all grownups here, right?

The chair creaked, and Ben heard Perez kneel next to the cage. “I need you to know something. Look at me.”

Ben cracked his eyelids open. Still heaving for breath.

“If you hurt her, I will kill you myself with my bare hands. Are we clear?”

“Is that what this is about? You're a fucking idiot.” In general, Ben moderated his language around people he cared about. Perez didn't qualify. “I would never hurt her.” Getting air now. He managed a glare. “She's safer with me than some vamps I can name. And if I did hurt her, even by accident, you wouldn't have to kill me. I'd do it my-damn-self.”

“Just so we understand each other.” Perez unclipped the carabiner.

And that's when Ben grabbed his wrist and wrenched his arm into the cage. “Ange is safe around me,” he said. His lips skinned back from fangs, and his claws pierced Perez's skin. Blood welled up around them. Ben felt his eyes change color as his vision sharpened. “You aren't, necessarily. The only reason I don't rip your arm off and shove it up your ass right now? Is because I'd end up back on the table and that would make her sad.”

Perez held himself still. Now he was the one not breathing, Ben noticed. Not that he needed to. Saliva dripped from Ben's teeth onto the pinioned wrist, and he continued, “You want to talk to me, that's fine, we'll talk. I'll buy you a beer. You don't knock me out, stick me in a cage, and fucking handcuff me.”

He released Perez then and shoved himself backwards until his back hit the wall, closing his eyes and panting, pressing his fist against his aching chest. “Just so we understand each other.”

Comments are ♥♥♥.

Have a snippet. No, I'm not setting it up, you know the drill by now. Yes, it's out of order. Most of them are these days.

"What the hell were you doing in my apartment, and how did you disappear from it like that?"

"Hey, I've never been in your damn apartment. Are you kidding?" The Janni lookalike crossed her arms. "That'd be way too risky."

"Oh, good, that one was a hallucination," Ben muttered. "Nice to know."

"The others haven't been, though." Angeline poked the other vampire in the chest with her forefinger. "So tell me who asked you to stalk him, and I won't stake you and feed your bones to my wolf."

"No skin off my nose." She shrugged and pointed. "Those guys over there paid me to do it."

Ben's entire body stiffened when he saw who it was, and Angeline sucked in a breath. West, with two friends. Oh, god. That idiot probably had no idea that his game of Taunt the Wolf had suddenly become deadly serious. Hair sprouted on Ben's shoulders and his eyes turned amber. He reached up and snapped the silver lock off the collar, ignoring the scent of burning flesh, and then methodically unbuckled it. Bar patrons began backing away as the collar swung back and forth from the end of the leash Angeline still held in her hand.

"Ben, no!" She missed her grab at his arm. "There's no way you come back from this--"

"Don't care," was his unruffled rejoinder.

Icon is particularly apropos today. You know I love your comments...