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HAH. And again, I say, HAH.
I got together this evening with the handsome and talented Patrick Tracy to talk writing and give him back the story he gave me to crit last week. We discussed writing, fanfic, television, and more writing, and he gave me back the A&tS fic.
And now I know what's wrong with it.
I've run this thing past so many people. I was starting to wonder if, like my protagonist, I was crazy, and there really wasn't anything major the matter with it. In fact, I was a little hesitant to run it by him, because of the whole "too many cooks spoil the broth" thing.
That may be. But that one extra cook might just give you the ingredient that is absolutely essential to your recipe.
So, before I beat this metaphor into the ground, I'll just reiterate: Now I know what's wrong with it, and Patrick was the one who pointed it out.
My protagonist doesn't protag. Stuff happens to him, but he doesn't actually do anything. Now, as I pointed out when discussing it with Pat, this could be his "fatal flaw." But he's a security guard, dammit, and he should be just a little proactive here.
Of course...he'll fail. Because that's how the story goes. He's Cassandra, no one believes him, and he starts doubting himself. Then we get annihilated by big ol' treacherous squids.
But now I can fix it.
And now I know what's wrong with it.
I've run this thing past so many people. I was starting to wonder if, like my protagonist, I was crazy, and there really wasn't anything major the matter with it. In fact, I was a little hesitant to run it by him, because of the whole "too many cooks spoil the broth" thing.
That may be. But that one extra cook might just give you the ingredient that is absolutely essential to your recipe.
So, before I beat this metaphor into the ground, I'll just reiterate: Now I know what's wrong with it, and Patrick was the one who pointed it out.
My protagonist doesn't protag. Stuff happens to him, but he doesn't actually do anything. Now, as I pointed out when discussing it with Pat, this could be his "fatal flaw." But he's a security guard, dammit, and he should be just a little proactive here.
Of course...he'll fail. Because that's how the story goes. He's Cassandra, no one believes him, and he starts doubting himself. Then we get annihilated by big ol' treacherous squids.
But now I can fix it.
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I haven't read the story, but “The security grunt's purpose is to show the audience how the monster works.” He's not supposed to be 'proactive.' As such. Is this guy maybe the shift supervisor…?
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His supe doesn't believe him.
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