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I've been staring...
At those first three paragraphs. Again. And I've tweaked them. Again.
Because I realized that putting "They stopped" there at the beginning of the third 'graph? Is bad. They don't actually "stop," per se, and I don't want it to seem as though they do. So I took that out, because, BLEH, and added a little something else, and now that paragraph is so much better.
AGAIN.
This is both frustrating and exhilarating. Exhilarating, because I can see the thing improving exponentially every time I make a tiny little change. Frustrating, because, dude. It's the first three paragraphs. I started this thing in July. The first three paragraphs should already be perfect, dammit.
Also, I found out today that (as I suspected) it's actually Name, Rank, and Social Security Number these days, rather than Serial Number. So I tweaked that as well, which only required edits of two lines in the whole thing, because it only comes up twice--once in the aforementioned first three 'graphs, and once when not!Harmony catches not!Harry in the throes of (yet another) nightmare, poor guy.
Because I realized that putting "They stopped" there at the beginning of the third 'graph? Is bad. They don't actually "stop," per se, and I don't want it to seem as though they do. So I took that out, because, BLEH, and added a little something else, and now that paragraph is so much better.
AGAIN.
This is both frustrating and exhilarating. Exhilarating, because I can see the thing improving exponentially every time I make a tiny little change. Frustrating, because, dude. It's the first three paragraphs. I started this thing in July. The first three paragraphs should already be perfect, dammit.
Also, I found out today that (as I suspected) it's actually Name, Rank, and Social Security Number these days, rather than Serial Number. So I tweaked that as well, which only required edits of two lines in the whole thing, because it only comes up twice--once in the aforementioned first three 'graphs, and once when not!Harmony catches not!Harry in the throes of (yet another) nightmare, poor guy.